I’ve committed all these crimes but one. We humans fumble for happiness but make so many mistakes along the way.

There are so many of us on this planet.

We bump into each other in the dark.

We say things that annoy the ones we love.

We apologize or fail to apologize.

We fall in love and we need to be loved back.

We fall asleep when we should be making love.

We forget each other’s birthdays.

We forget to come home.

We forget to plan a vacation.

We go on vacation but we think of our own pleasure.

We don’t make the right food.

We don’t make any food at all.

We drink too much.

We are thirsty for something big.

We smoke weed in the bathroom when we’ve been asked not to.

We tell secrets that we’ve been asked not to tell.

We wear the wrong clothes.

We are angry and can’t find the right words so we use the wrong ones.

We find that people don’t read our minds and that makes us angry.

We realize someone is reading our mind and that makes us angry.

We want people around us to understand us.

We don’t want to have to think about everyone’s drama.

We wish we had a therapist, the right therapist.

We resent people who are always quoting their therapist.

We talk to God but nobody answers.

We go for long walks on the beach and pretend to be in movies.

We wish our whole life felt like movies.

We write big stories and then forget about them.

We wear masks when we should be honest.

We are honest when we should wear masks.

Published in: on July 31, 2015 at 12:48 pm  Comments (1)  

Music speaks our soul language


Come to the Beach House on Tuesday for an amazing reading!


Tonight we are going to the Bowl to hear Dudamel conduct  Eine kleine Nachtmusik.

Even with his hair cut, Dudamel’s energy is fairly electric and we always have yummy food at the Bowl.  This a week of celebration.  Yesterday was Mark’s and my 15th wedding anniversary.  (I gave him a 21 year old port.) And this weekend, we are going to the Edison on Saturday and the Bowl on Sunday to celebrate Stephen’s 24th birthday.

I like music and celebration.  The two go together well.

My editor says that I need to listen to Frank Sinatra and Bono’s rendition of “I’ve got you under my skin,” which I now have, and it is pretty amazing even for someone who’s never really listened to Sinatra.  I skipped the Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra phase of American music although I had quite a Simon and Garfunkel love affair which never ended. It makes Mark laugh to think about that.  It’s odd how other people’s musical taste often seems ridiculous.  Teresa’s husband was chuckling when I told him I liked Neil Diamond so I didn’t mention Bjork or Regina Spektor let alone my obsession with Louis Armstrong.

We all have songs that speak to us, that speak our heart’s musical language.  I love the song, “Smoke gets in your eyes,” but I also love Toto’s “Africa,” which I am pretty sure is ridiculously corny, but smarmy is sometimes good.  I always want writers to add music into stories because I can’t really think about a character properly unless I know what they listen to.

I remember the yummy joy when you first got to someone’s house or apartment and you rifled through the books and records and everything suddenly became very clear.  Johnny Cash is different than the Beatles which is different than Guns and Roses.  As my friend’s kid Zack says, “Don’t yuck on my yum.” Don’t snicker too much at other people’s musical taste.  Surely someone thinks your music is a laugh riot. Lauridsen is my heart’s home music; but someone out there wouldn’t like that either.  That’s what makes people so interesting and peculiar.

Published in: on July 30, 2015 at 4:40 pm  Leave a Comment  

Today is our anniversary.

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We have been married fifteen years, and tonight we went out to celebrate.  Then we came home to watch our movie:  Orlando.  It is a thing to be reckoned with if your couple movie is Orlando.
Of one that lov’d not wisely but too well….

We felt the clouds, we felt the morning rain.  We felt the moon rising over us on the evening tide.

We had a few friends we can call our own.

We have chickens and an aviary full of birds.

A fountain.

Certain dogs.

There are greens growing in the garden.

I am sleepy.

If I could sleep and wake, I would wake into poetry.

My favorite scene in the movie Orlando is when the poet is curiously begging for a pension of 300 pounds a year to be paid quarterly.  The poet gets his money from Orlando, continues to write poetry and critiques the poetry of the lord while laughing at him.  Both sides are terribly ungracious, but  in the world of literature, such types run amok.

We have been married fifteen years, and we will continue for many more.

To love. To respect.  To dreams.

Published in: on July 29, 2015 at 8:33 pm  Leave a Comment  



Yosemite is the palace of the gods.  It’s crazy beautiful.  Joy unbounded.

The good

It is absolutely magnificent.  Half Dome looks like a huge rock cone sheered in half and wildly split open, threads of waterfalls down the rocky hillsides.  Nevada Falls, Vernal Falls, the Mist trail, vast white water plunging downward; we climbed into the water and thick misty air.  We climbed trails from the valley floor which was all campers. The sheer vastness of the rock faces, thrusting up into the wild hot hair.  Many Europeans visit Yosemite; it seems like more of them  than the Americans. Europeans are simply thrilled with Yosemite, they come in thousands, they come in droves.  The Dutch, the Germans, the French, the Italians, give us your huddled masses.

The bad

Yosemite is the Disneyland of national parks.  I’ve never been anywhere in the wild that was quite so crowded.  Every trail you hiked you had to pass many people. The Valley floor was a crowded encampment that was just packed with people.

The weird

We stayed at a campground with all these tent camps, and it was fine; it was nice.  There was a communal barbecue.  I was kind of disappointed because I wanted us to have our own barbecue. One of the joys of camping is sitting around the campfire with your family and making food and drinking beer.  You can hear the waterfall and it’s very peaceful and you’re in chill mode.  Yosemite is breathtaking but there is no chill mode.  It’s like going to Disneyland but you happen to be at the most breathtaking national park you’ve ever seen.

We loved Yosemite.

We’re used to camping in deserted campgrounds; so this was new for us. We were very glad to come home. To go to the Korean spa. To go to Mexican food. To come home and watch Razor’s Edge.

Published in: on July 28, 2015 at 9:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Yosemite is magical


All families are crazy, but some are crazier than others.  All have families have their different ways of getting through family crises.  In our family, we all get together, talk together, hang together.  We believe in the power of love.

A friend of mine once said to me, “A good family isn’t always strong, but a good family gathers around its weakest member.” That stuck with me.  And it isn’t always the same person.  Sometimes one person needs help, sometimes someone else.  We gather.  I’d like to say that we always say the right thing, that we do the right thing, but that isn’t true.  We’re not god, we can’t see the future and we don’t always learn from the past.  Sometimes we convince ourselves that we are able to figure it all out, that we know the future, but we don’t.  I’m chatty, so I generally spin forth with my wisdom such as it is.

We are very small in the universe.  Planets revolve around the sun. The Milky Way spreads out for light years, and here we are infinitesimally small, hanging like a dot in space. But we make much of our travels, our art, our music, our relationships as well we might.  This is the life we have; let’s make the best of it.  We’re here in Yosemite where there is a very high danger of fire.  Sometimes when there is very high fire danger you have to be on high alert.  A person can only stay on high alert so long.  We have a wonderful family even when we find ourselves in fire danger, we have water.  We have water.

Published in: on July 25, 2015 at 10:00 pm  Leave a Comment  

Off toYosemite


We are going to Yosemite tomorrow.  Oddly, our family has spent much time camping in the Sequoias, the beach, travelling up and down the coast but we’ve never camped in Yosemite and tomorrow we’re going up for three nights.    Stephen has spent some time in Yosemite so he’s going to show us around.

We went to sushi tonight at our favorite sushi bar, Arigato, and our sushi chef announced that he was closing the sushi bar for good on August 9th and he and his sister Judy are going to wander.  Although I’m a big fan of wandering, it’s going to be difficult to survive without our sushi bar.  I anticipate many months of searching for our next favorite sushi bar.

Mark and I were alone at this house for a couple years and now, there are six of us.  Molly, Tobi, Stephen and another kid who needed a place to stay for a bit.  He’s finding himself.

It’s a busy time at the press. We are launching our bookstore outreach program, and updating publicity, marketing and development.  It feels like the press is buzzing with activity and energy.

Life is a big adventure.  The music keeps on playing.

Published in: on July 24, 2015 at 10:42 pm  Leave a Comment  

Carmina Burana and Eric Whitacre at the Bowl tonight

off to see Eric Whitacre and Carmina Burana tonight!

After going to the beach to see our friend Barbara Abercrombie with Tobi and Molly.

Last night I made dinner; we had a fine chardonnay and turkey lettuce wraps.

Haven’t figured out what food to bring to the Bowl yet, but will do.

We’re going to Yosemite this weekend to hike around.  Need to shop for that too. It’s not hard core camping there.

The campground has wifi.  Seriously?

Published in: on July 23, 2015 at 7:23 am  Leave a Comment  

Off to see Road Warrior

We are having such a great summer with our family.  In our family we are epic warriors.

Published in: on July 21, 2015 at 5:44 pm  Leave a Comment  

Like Michael Oatman UNO MFA faculty member pictured here, we should all reach for the sky

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Why start an MFA program?

Why start anything? A love affair, cooking school, martial arts, mountain climbing, spelunking, photography, why start making love, the world might end and you might not get to finish, or you might find that you’re not as good at it as you hoped you’d be. Or you find that there are others getting famous while you’re still cave diving in a thoroughly amateurish manner for months, maybe years.  We start writing programs because it’s a journey we want to take.  Because we want to start walking down a road, learning an activity that we might take years to get good at.

Among the many courses I took in college were: French, Spanish, horseback riding (seriously) dance (four years) theatre, astronomy (I was in love with Carl Sagan).  Of all of those, the most useful has been the Spanish.  But I’ve never regretted any of those.  I still ride horses, speak French, dance, (not as well as Amy Hassinger) love plays, and when I get out of the city, and I look  up at the stars, I can name them like old friends staring down on me just as they did when I grew up in the woods of New Hampshire and I could see the whole Milky Way and I used to say to myself, I am going to do something amazing in this galaxy not having a single clue how small I was.

When I started to take writing courses, I sucked and I continued to suck long after I graduated with a Master’s in writing, I continued to write a lot of really bad stuff, and I enjoyed the heck out of it.  I enjoyed getting my writing muscles going, swimming around in language and getting to read some big writers.  When I started, I was reading mostly science fiction.  My teachers said no to science fiction.  They told me to read Hemingway who I liked very much and I even went hiking in the woods and tried to imagine myself as a Nicola Adams, I liked reading all of it, even the big white male writers stomping around in the world.  I was so excited to be part of it.  I didn’t learn to be a writer in graduate school, I didn’t learn till later, but I was given the tools that would carry me forward into my future writing life.  When I graduated, that life stretched before me like blue hills to the horizon.  That’s why you start an MFA, to begin a journey, like learning to enter the caves of the imagination.  At first, it’s wet and dark and cold down there, and that’s all you notice and then your eyes adjust and you see that you’re inside a big story.

Read Bhanu Kapil’s response to MFA programs, you’ll like what she has to say as well. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/harriet/2015/03/bhanu-kapil-requests-apology-from-ryan-boudinot/?woo

Published in: on July 19, 2015 at 8:53 am  Leave a Comment  

Time to grow up.


What you’re supposed to do when it’s time to grow up.

  1. Stop getting drunk. In public. (for the record I haven’t done this for quite a while.0
  2. Work out. Get in shape and stay in shape. (working on it)
  3. Don’t cheat on whoever you are with.(I got this)
  4. Stay clean. In every way. (got this)
  5. Work, get some education and get one of those good jobs. (working on it)
  6. Do something interesting. Be interesting.(working on it)
  7. Straighten up and fly right. Come on out of the rain. (work in progress)
  8. Cook your meals. Don’t eat out of the can. Quit eating ramen. ((in progress)
  9. Know where your keys are. Know where all your stuff is. (on it)
  10. Know who you are. Quit trying to find yourself. Know yourself and above all else to thine own self be true.

I am not really grown up myself but I am working on it.

Published in: on July 18, 2015 at 9:38 pm  Leave a Comment  

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