How old are you? How old do you feel?

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My friend Kelly and I are about the same age and our daughters are within two weeks of each other. We went for a walk this morning. We realize that we are older than we feel. Kelly looks like she’s in her thirties and she and her family, like ours are all active and energetic. They’re going to Australia as a family to see their daughter who is studying in New Zealand.

I remember what it felt like to be twenty. What does it feel like to be fifty?
1. I can’t drink as much. There is no doubt when I was in my twenties and thirties I could do shots like a pro and get up in the morning and go back to work. Now, if I drink too much, I start to feel like I’ve been run over by a truck and running is miserable.
2. I have to plan for things more. I miss waking up and saying, I think I’ll drive to Mexico today. I’ll be back in a few days and then taking off across Arizona, driving down, parking on the beach and then the whole weekend would rock out. Now, I have to make plans.
3. I’m much smarter now. I’m not kidding. I made a lot of stupid mistakes that I don’t make now.
4. I feel differently about friends. When I was younger, I liked everybody, I just wanted someone to go dancing with, to hang out with. Now, I want to be around people who challenge me but also people I get along with. I don’t want to hang with people who I have to point things out to like, Wow, that’s racist. We had this guy at the house. He used the “N word.” I had to say if he used it again, I was kicking him out. I don’t want to do that. I’m too tired. I realize there are lots of assholes in the world, but I want friends who are cool people.
5. I don’t like wasting my time doing stupid things. If I’m say at a reading, and a bunch of people just want to go and shout at each other in a bar for a few hours afterward, I know that I will spend a lot of money, have a headache the next day, not remember anything that was said, not remember who was there and wish I were home watching a movie with my honey and eating strawberries. I know that sounds like I’m not very adventurous, I do go out with friends and have fun but I don’t need to just go out for the sake of it.
6. I like celebrations. My birthday is in April and my friend Susie and I have plans that include having Mark doing the driving to a Mexican place we like and then us doing the drinking and Mark doing the paying. I want to go to karaoke afterward and dress up super skanky and show everyone in the bar how well I can sing. Maybe Nicelle will go. Mark is always good with squiring three women. On Sunday, for my book launch reading at Skylight, I plan to really get crazy and wear a ridiculously short skirt which I hope Nicelle will instantly post on Facebook.
7. I love my family and friends and I know those relationships matter.
8. I’m not worried so much about what people think of me. In my twenties I thought, What if they don’t like me? Now I think, I wonder if I’ll like them?
9. I believe in the wisdom of Slaughterhouse Five: Focus on the good parts of your life.
10. There are things I haven’t done in my life that I wanted to do, I know I can still get my game on.

Published in: on March 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Should money flow toward the writer?

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Yes, money should flow toward the writer, the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. Money should flow toward the dancer, the actor, the dog trainer, the mime, the auto mechanic. In fact, why stop at money flowing? I want money to grow on trees, appear (just like in Paul Auster novels!) mysteriously in the trunk of my car or in my freezer. I checked my trunk and freezer regularly after reading Auster, but so far, no luck. I like to revisit this subject because it’s always coming up on list serves as writers come back to the dream of money. I like this dream, like the dream of God being a candy machine. It sounds good in theory. But God may have given us a brain so we can make our own candy.

But, you say, I read the famous Neil Gaiman post and he says money should flow toward the writer!

“I read a sad case today of a young writer who had had her story rewritten into illiteracy by a so-called publisher, who then abused her in email when she wrote to complain. She wasn’t getting paid for her story — instead she was actually buying copies of the anthology to show people that she had sold a story. And I thought, it is time to remind the world, and to enlighten young writers, about…
Yog’s Law:
Money flows towards the writer.

That’s all. All writers should remember it.

When a commercial publisher contracts a book, it will pay an advance against royalties to the writer. Money flows towards the writer.

Literary agents make their living by charging a commission of between 10 and 20% on the sales that they make on behalf of their clients, the writers. When advances and royalties are paid by a publisher the agent’s percentage is filtered off in the direction of the writer’s agent but the bulk of the money still flows towards the writer.

If a publisher ever asks for any sort of financial contribution from a writer, they’re trying to divert money away from the writer, in direct contravention of Yog’s Law.

If an agent ever asks for up-front fees, regardless of what they call them (reading fees, administration costs, processing fees, or retainers), then they are trying to divert money away from the writer, in direct contravention of Yog’s Law…

Money flows toward the writer.
No, that doesn’t mean that the author should get paper and ink for free, or that he won’t pay for postage. It does mean that when someone comes along and says, “Sure, kid, you can be a Published Author! It’ll only cost you $300!” the writer will know that something’s wrong. A fee is a fee is a fee, whether they call it a reading fee, a marketing fee, a promotion fee, or a cheese-and-crackers fee.
Is this perfect? No. Scammers have come up with some elaborate ways to avoid activating it. But it’s still a good and useful tool, and will save a lot of grief. Any time an agent or publisher asks for money, the answer should be “No!”

http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/23090050950/for-novice-writers-the-quick-test-for-are-you-being

First of all, if you are Neil Gaiman, lucky you, yes, money will flow toward you the writer. And yes! Writers are often taken advantage of in all sorts of ways. So sure, if your agent or publisher asks you for money, that’s not cool.

But, that ignores the fact that you, the writer are not Neil Gaiman. And as such, let’s talk about money and writing which are almost never in the same sentence outside the world of big writers.

1. While you are learning your craft, you should plan on paying someone to teach you. You pay therapists, coaches, karate teachers, and yoga masters. If you want to learn your craft, you need to go to have a teacher/mentor.
2. Once you have something worth publishing, you are going to send it out into the marketplace, and that will cost some money. I would suggest that you send out some of them to awards listed in Poets and Writers and some to magazines that require reading fees. Here’s the example I always give: My aunt Hildy is a famous dog person. She has prize winning dogs, and she also judges dog shows, but for many years, she went around to dog shows and paid her fees. She paid to enter, for the groomers, for the trainers to help her. She paid her dues. When you write a check/pay online to a literary magazine or press, you are supporting the world in which you live. You are keeping your world afloat. And that’s a good thing.
3. Some of you will say that you don’t have enough money to send out anything. Then get a job. That is how people make money. They get jobs. I know that makes me sound like a Republican, and I’m not a Republican so I don’t want to sound like one, but seriously, when I hear writers complain that not enough money is flowing to them, I think –making money as a writer is a long shot, most writers don’t make much, but there are ways of making sure you have enough money to live on and it’s called working. And if you live in a part of the country where there is no work, if possible, move to a part of the country where there is work. Mexicans are willing to cross deserts, rivers and borders to find work. Can’t you just move to another state?
4. And then decide what you want to invest in your writing life. People invest in their yoga life, their karate life, their soccer mom life. Your writing life is worth it. You might budget $40/month or $100/month, but send your work out there and quit complaining.
5. The most important thing in writing is NOT money, it’s having fun playing with language and story, so if you get caught up in money, you’ll miss the best part. Think of how sad it would be to focus on money your whole marriage and miss that you are having the great experience of messing around in the water with this one amiable, crazy person who is willing to put up with you. That’s how I see marriage. A whole lot of wild.

Published in: on March 26, 2014 at 7:28 am  Comments (1)  
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What a publisher/editor wants to hear.

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1. I write well.
2. I’m willing to edit my work.
3. I’d like to be a lifelong conversation with someone I can learn from.
4. I’m aware that I have a lot to learn.
5. I am committed to selling my book and being an advocate for this press in the world.
6. I like this press and I respect how hard you work.
7. I’m not just writing one book, this is my life.
8. I am willing to spend money to travel, to promote the book.
9. I’m willing to go anywhere and to be charming when I get there.
10. I feel grateful to have ideas and be able to write them and to be talking with you.

What we often get instead:

1. I’m cool? Don’t you think so?
2. I need to make money as a writer; you can make that happen for me.
3. You are going to make my dreams come true.
4. Here is a list of what you can do for me.
5. Here is a list of the ways in which I am cool.
6. I have read all the books that are important.
7. I know everything that’s important to know about writing/publishing.
8. My work doesn’t need any editing; I did that already.
9. You are going to be so glad you published me.
10. You are going to make a lot of money off me.

For some reason those last two strike me as the funniest. Why am I going to be glad I published you? Really? The fact is that YOU are going to be glad I published you. The last one is really a laugh riot. Publishing isn’t an industry where anyone makes a lot of money. In my case, we are a non profit, so no, we’re not going to make a lot of money and my life is not going to change at all as a result of publishing you. But even at the Big Five level, I don’t see any of the editors buying an island as a result of publishing a book. Twilight maybe. Harry Potter? Sure, but most books are not changing anyone’s lifestyle.

I think that writers could do themselves a favor by going into the whole relationship with the right attitude and that attitude is to understand that

1. It’s a privilege to have anyone read your work.
2. It’s a huge privilege to have anyone be willing to foster your work.
3. Being edited is a privilege.
4. Publication is a privilege.
5. It isn’t all about you.
6. When you do get something published, work at marketing and promotion.
7. Plan on selling the books yourself. You must advocate for your work.
8. Work with whoever is doing publicity at the press.
9. Do not act like you know more than these people, you don’t.
10. But then, this is good advice for all of us—act and live with grace.

Published in: on March 24, 2014 at 1:22 pm  Comments (3)  
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Virgin Airlines, should you read beauty magazines

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Virgin Airlines:

The good: They got back the Artisan Cheese box which is my favorite Virgin food.
The bad: The movies often don’t finish. You pay $8.00 but you are better off just watching one of the free movies with commercials. Let me be clear, the movies don’t actually finish. I restarted the movie twenty-eight times and I never got to see the ending. Probably didn’t miss much.

My friend Darlene points out that since I visit people in NY at these glossy magazines, dropping galleys, pitching stories and the like that it’s time I try reading them. Slow down there! That sounds depressing. It sounds like a lot of work. I immediately suggested that Red Hen’s publicist Gabi do the reading. Gabi is fashionable as well so she would probably understand what she is reading. Darlene was thinking maybe I would read those magazines myself.

Darlene herself has read all of them. She has read Vogue, Glamour, More, Cosmopolitan. She understands fashion, jewelry, makeup, and the concerns women have. She understands the world of women. Adult women. With style and whatever comes with style. I admire Darlene’s style. I want to be like her! Me! grown up and walking all over the planet like a real person!

If you are a real intellectual, you can’t be shopping, you can’t be thinking about clothing. I’m not sure you can be a big thinker/mover/shaker and still care about fashion, clothing, jewelry and hair styles. Look at Einstein, look at Jane Goodall, look at Emily Dickinson just wearing the same dress all the time.

However, I like to take advice once a year or so and I bought More and O. As the “Sunscreen song” says, “Do not read fashion magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.” I quoted this to Darlene, but she gave me a look which I interpreted to mean, “Grow up.”

I am a big fan of growing up– for other people such as my students and my kids who are turning into pretty fine grownups. Anyway, I am trying the magazine thing and will let my readers know if I learn anything besides the fact that style is for other people. But, I had fun with the magazines and fun is a start.

On the plane home, I am watching a very bad movie that I would not otherwise have the opportunity to see. The movie is Austenland; it may be the worst movie I have ever seen. Plus the Virgin movie system has a lot of glitches so the movie has started over many times and finally I had to give up because it wouldn’t finish. If romantic movie is bad enough, this is a fake romantic movie. And the whole idea of women waiting around for men really should have gone out of style about a thousand years ago.

Plus the rain coming down on the wet dress and the guy holding her is pretty funny. It’s hilarious that many women spend a lot reading books about romantic men coming along and rescuing them. Okay, so if you have to wait for someone to rescue you, that takes away the fun of maybe rescuing yourself.

Last night, I had a proper dinner at Landmarc in Tribeca with the poets and a whole tribe of Rex’s friends. Rex Wilder, Tess Taylor and Henri Cole gave an amazing reading at Poets House, the sun shining in for the first time in days. I got to Poets House early and hung out in the green room with all the pictures of poets and I read Valzyna Mort’s new book.

After dinner, Rex and I walked back to Chelsea and then he walked up to Penn Station. Rex is such a romantic fellow; he is like one of those guys in Jane Austen books; he chats with you when you walk up the street and seriously, you can picture him wearing black boots and some linen clothes and walking down the street in merry old England with a sword at his side.

The great thing about flying home to the West Coast is that you arrive with the whole day in front of you. The next time I will see most of you my dear blog readers is on this Tuesday on March 25th for the Red Hen reading at the Annneberg Beach House with Cecilia Woloch and Nate and John Barr, and then on March 30th at 3 pm I will be reading at Skylight books. Or, if you are a Westsider, you can come to my reading with Rex at Diesel Books on April 23rd. See you soon!

Published in: on March 23, 2014 at 6:51 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Why the iPad isn’t working for me but Brenda Shaugnessy’s Our Andromeda is

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Why I don’t take the iPad anywhere

Because I already have two things. I have my phone and my laptop and I don’t want a third device. What I want is something smaller than the iPad that I can read manuscripts on, and I am on the search for that tool. What the staff like about the iPad is that they can use it as a calculator with square and they can line up all the books on it and it makes selling books super easy at events.

Now I’m done with what we like about the iPad. The big problem is that once you are in a document it is too hard to get back out of it. You put your fingers all over the screen trying to figure out an exit strategy and more often than not I have to power down the device to get back out. Eventually, I want to have just two things. The phone and the thing I read, write and play on. I know it’s a joke to think of me actually playing. I played once back in the Eighties but no one had phones then so there is no documentation. I consider blogging and my monthly check of FB to be “playing.” I can’t write on the iPad keypad because I type too quickly for its awkward little keys. I think of the equivalent in the lovemaking world and I shudder.

And as for reading books? What I do is I read the actual book. To each his own, but I’m also a fan of real men, not vibrators. But this is not me dissing vibrators or Kindles or Nooks. We live in a big world with a lot of people. To each his or her own.

My son is in Fiji reading Brave New World, my daughter’s reading feminist criticism for her thesis. Mark’s doubtless reading about particle and wave about math and physics. I think he needs to think about becoming a quantum magician. I’m reading Margaret Atwood’s Maddaddam and Gregory Orr’s Concerning the Book that is the Body of the Beloved. Orr’s poetry asks you to enter another country, and in that country, you are loved as you surf the swells of life and as you dive into dark water. You are well and loved and you love. I got the Orr book from Copper Canyon at AWP.

And I’m reading Brenda Shaugnessy’s Our Andromeda which is a book of poetry everyone on the planet should read. I can’t really say why in the right words but let me give it a try here. You could walk around your whole life and never encounter a big love or you could on the other hand, enter it largely and fully and then you could have the language and story telling possibility to write about love in its galactic possibilities and you could thicken that language with elegance the rest of us can only aspire to and even then you wouldn’t quite be describing, Our Andromeda. When I am eighty, I will still be reading this book. When I am one hundred, I will read this book and Shakespeare and Silverchest by Carl Phillips and I’ll read Anne Carson and then I will get up and dance.

Published in: on March 22, 2014 at 5:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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New York has warmed up a bit.

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I’m going for a run tomorrow. Finally. It’s been so cold that I thought I would freeze my ass off which really would take some work since I have an ass. I have been reading about these women in Venezuela who have died having their booty enhanced. The good news is that I won’t be needing that operation. I already got enough going.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2581724/Meet-Venezuelan-doctor-performs-illegal-cut-rate-butt-injections-women-wanting-bigger-backsides.html

The reading at KGB tonight was great. Frannie Lindsay, Jim Tilley and the amazing Nick Flynn. I love KGB Bar, it’s a place with character and style.

Tomorrow we have Tess Taylor, Rex Wilder and Henri Cole at 4 pm at Poets House. You should come!
Afterward we go to dinner in Tribeca, and Sunday I fly home. I look forward to being back in Cali. I want a shiatsu massage, and I want sushi and sake.

For dinner I went to this deli and got takeout chicken and grilled vegetables. I don’t eat well in NY for the most part; I eat stuff from these delis and little shops. I like walking the streets. I like seeing the bustle. I like the hurry. The skies are pale and without much blue but it doesn’t matter because there is so little sky. It’s all being indoors. It’s all very crowded. In Los Angeles you can catch the sky trailing between the palm fronds. You can catch the sky at play.

See you tomorrow at Poetry House at 4 pm. You won’t regret it.

Red Hen at Poets House
March 22, 2014 @ 4 pm
Featuring:
Henri Cole was born in Fukuoka, Japan, in 1956 and raised in Virginia. He has published eight collections of poetry, including Middle Earth (FSG, 2004)which was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in Poetry. He has received many awards for his work, including the Kingsley Tufts Award, the Rome Prize, the Berlin Prize, a Guggenheim Fellowship, and the Lenore Marshall Award. His most recent collection isTouch (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2011). He teaches at Ohio State University, is poetry editor of The New Republic, and lives in Boston.

Tess Taylor grew up in El Cerrito, California, and attended Berkeley High School. She moved east to go to Amherst College, but took a leave of absence to work as a cook’s assistant and translator in Paris. When she came back, she double-majored in English and Urban Studies, ran a gardening program for youth in Berkeley, and interned at Chez Panisse. After college, Tess moved to Brooklyn and worked as a journalist while attending NYU’s journalism school. She covered (and still covers) arts, books, food, architecture and the urban environment for The New York Times, The Atlantic, and other venues. Tess has received writing fellowships from Amherst College, the American Antiquarian Society, the Headlands Center for the Arts, and The MacDowell Colony. Her work appears in The Atlantic Monthly, The Believer, Boston Review, Guernica, Literary Imagination, The Threepenny Review, The Times Literary Supplement, and The New Yorker. As the 2010-2011 Amy Clampitt Resident, Tess worked on a small farm while she lived and wrote at the house of poet Amy Clampitt in Lenox, Massachusetts. After seventeen years away, Tess lives again in El Cerrito. Her chapbook, The Misremembered World, was published by the Poetry Society of America. Red Hen Press published her first book of poems, The Forage House.
Rex Wilder’s poems have appeared in publications such as Poetry, The New Republic, Yale Review, and The Times Literary Supplement. He is the author of Waking Bodies, which takes “the tired English of everyday use” and brings it “back to us refreshed and full of its original surprise,” according to Billy Collins. Wilder is editing an anthology called There and Back, featuring original boomerangs from a diverse range of poets around the world and a foreword by Richard Wilbur. He is the Chief Creative Strategist for Advertising for Humanity, a marketing firm specializing in charities and community foundations. He lives in Pacific Palisades, California.

Poets House
10 River Terrace
New York, NY 10282
212.431.7920

http://www.poetshouse.org/programs-and-events/other-events/literary-partners-program-red-hen-press-presents-henri-cole-tess-ta

Published in: on March 21, 2014 at 7:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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New York is cold and raining

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We had a really fun event at 61 Local in Brooklyn last night with the Boreal authors. The food at the place is yummy, but the Alaskans really took it away. They are born storytellers. I was talking about someone who had “work done,” and they’re all, “Like what on the roof? On the house? On the plumbing? Did she have her place rewired?” And I say, “No, I mean work,” indicating my chest area, and they’re all, “Oh, work?” They’re funny and it was so great to see Joe and Peggy. They’re having fun travelling around with their merry band of Alaskans.

Darlene and I had breakfast with Barbara Jones and I had smoked salmon which is my favorite breakfast, and then the NY Times meetings and Library Journal and a Norton meeting at the Century Club which is super nice and made me feel amazing and important while I was there. It’s like the National Arts Club in that it’s very old and you feel that very wise people come there. I felt right at home.

More meetings Thursday and Friday, I sort of can’t believe I have three more days of work before I go home and three more Red Hen readings. Please come to all of them!

March 20, 2014 at 6:00pm
New York: Cornelia Street Café
Featuring Gary Geddes, Kimiko Hahn,
Melody Mansfield, & William Trowbridge.
29 Cornelia St., New York, NY 10014

March 21, 2014 at 7:00pm
New York: KGB Bar
Featuring Nick Flynn, Frannie Lindsay,
& Jim Tilley.
85 East 4th St., New York, NY 10003

March 22, 2014 at 4:00pm
New York: Poets House
Featuring Henri Cole, Tess Taylor,
& Rex Wilder.
10 River Ter., New York, NY 10281

And to my Los Angeles friends! I am coming home this weekend on Sunday and March 30th is my launch event at Skylight! Please come and bring two dozen of your closest friends! If you –sadly—miss Skylight, I’ve listed the rest of my book tour so far but it keeps going and going! I’m going to need a drink and about fifteen hours of sleep when it’s over.

March 27 at 7:00 pm – Cal State University Northridge, Northridge CA

March 30 at 3:00 pm – Skylight Books, Los Angeles CA

April 4 at 5:30 pm – Bookworks, Albuquerque NM

April 5 at 7:00 pm – Elliot Bay, Seattle WA with Kim Dower

April 12-13 time TBD – LA Times Festival of Books, Los Angeles CA

April 12 at 8:00 pm – Beyond Baroque, Los Angeles CA

April 17 at 6:00 pm – Seminary Co-Op, Chicago IL with Nicelle Davis

April 23 at 7:00 pm – Diesel, Brentwood CA with Rex Wilder

April 24 at 7:30 pm – Mrs. Dalloways, SF, CA with Douglas Kearney

May 5 at 7:00 pm – City Lights, SF CA
w/ Peggy Shumaker and Douglas Kearney

May 13 at 6:30 pm – Annenberg Beach House, Santa Monica CA with Kim Dower and Jim Tilley

June 18 time TBD – The Press Club, Portland OR with Ursula K. Le Guin

August 17 at 5:00 pm – Busboys and Poets, Washington DC with Douglas Kearney and Michelle Chan Brown

September 13 time TBD – Poets House, New York NY with Nicelle Davis and Gregory Orr
COMPLETED EVENTS

February 4 at 2:30 pm – UC Riverside Writers Week Conference, Riverside CA

February 8 at 7:00 pm – DG Wills, San Diego CA with Lisa C. Krueger

February 11 at 7:00 pm – Boston Court, Pasadena CA with Lisa C. Krueger, Mark Wunderlich, and Dinah Lenney

February 22 at 7:00 pm – Publication Party (private residence), Pasadena CA

February 27 at 12:00 pm – Panel: Editing the Poetry Book, AWP Seattle WA

February 28 at 1:30 pm – AWP Reading, Seattle WA

Published in: on March 19, 2014 at 5:49 pm  Leave a Comment  
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NY is brutally cold

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Went to Book Forum today. To the 92nd St. Y. To dinner at Graziela’s in Brooklyn with Alaskans. Met with my agent for sushi. The sky is so cold and I think it’s falling on my head. Have I mentioned that NY is cold?

Published in: on March 17, 2014 at 8:02 pm  Leave a Comment  

Having fun in New York

mm 165New York is always very exciting.

I’m here four or five times a year for a week or so, and this trip is nine days. A long trip walking around having meetings. Today, I had a meeting all day and then great wine with my friend Cathy overlooking the park, the light pouring in, and then I walked down from the park to Times Square. Times Square glowing and shining against the sky. I looked up on the way there at the slices of sky between the buildings, slices of sky thick blue with traces of cloud. Nobody looks up at the clouds and sky. People in NY move quickly; they’re busy. Rushing into cabs and subways, they have someplace to go.

It’s impossible for me to be in NY without seeing and feeling all the New York movies crowded into my head. I see people walking up the steps of the walkups as I walk up the steps of the walkup to my hotel, I see men in suits and hats hurrying through the streets as I hurry down the streets. In the plate glass windows, I see the shadows of faces from all the New York movies. I see the dogs running through the streets, the men with guns, the women begging for something, they don’t know what. They want something. I walk past the Fendi, the Gucci, the Dolce and Gabbana, and all the other fancy stores, but I don’t go in, it makes me tired to think of all those stores and all that money and all that stuff.

The last time I was here, I was with Nicelle. She would want to go into the special chocolate store to get something for JJ, she would go into the fancy stores even though neither of us could find afford a thread of stuff there. She would like looking around. We get a laugh walking down Fifth Avenue. She gets a kick out of NY and we have a good time.

King Kong and Spiderman, all the woody Allen movies, and my favorite New York movie of all, The Fisher King with my favorite quote from that movie:

Then he thinks of me. He says…. I got both my arms I got both my legs. At least I’m not begging for a living…See I’m what you call kind of a “moral traffic light” really. I’m like sayin’ “Red! Go no further!…

Good advice.

Published in: on March 15, 2014 at 5:21 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Respect between the genders

ll 006 My daughter Tobi and I

There are women who have no respect for men and many more men who have no respect for women.

What does it mean to respect men?
1. It doesn’t work at all, if you don’t respect yourself. That would mean that you insist on being treated equally. You insist on whatever behavior seems right to you. That is different for different people. I like equality, some women don’t.
2. You have to like men.
3. You have to be nice to them and be willing to listen to them.
4. You have to expect to be treated well.
5. If at all possible, live mindfully.

Okay, let’s get down to what I really want to talk about:
Men who don’t have any respect for women.

For the most part, when you don’t have much respect for another gender it’s because you don’t feel that gender treats you well. There are a lot of men who can’t do this one thing: Have a conversation with a woman. Listen to her and be nice. And then make her happy.

Peacocks do it. Dolphins do it. Monkeys do it. But lots of men cannot talk to women and simply be nice to them. Then women become the enemy. And once they’re the enemy, you have to conquer them. In other words, once you feel slighted or small in the world, you have to fight back.

The making of a man who has no respect for women:
1. Not very popular with girls in high school
2. Turns to porn as main form of interaction with females. The porn gives the male the idea that the ideal woman doesn’t talk back, just says yes, yes, yes. No brain. Just a body.
3. Eventually, porn isn’t enough, then you go for lap dances, nude bars. But eventually lap dances and aren’t enough and you need hookers.
4. Because what you want to keep going at that point is the yes you don’t have to interact with. You don’t want to have to have a conversation with a woman, figure out what makes her tick, be with her in the warming, in the gloaming, in the twilight. You want sex. It’s all about You. You. You.
5. I meet a lot of men like this. They say they Adore women, but what they mean by that is very simple. They like the idea of women in the abstract. They like the idea of themselves walking into a party with a beautiful woman on their arm. That woman has a dress that shows her legs. You imagine the garter belt, you can see the stockings and the heels. She smiles at you endlessly. You talk to her and she listens. All you have to do is be yourself and she is right there beside you. Everyone thinks you are the man because you have that woman on your arm. You don’t have to do a thing. You are a god. That is the making of a man who doesn’t respect about women. Underneath that lack of respect is the possibility of violence and violence doesn’t mix well with love.

Published in: on March 14, 2014 at 7:35 pm  Leave a Comment  
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