You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger and other annoying movies about relationships

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Last night, partly because I was leaving this morning for Asheville, Mark made me dinner and we watched the movie of my choice.  Usually, I try to make sure we are lined up with plenty of manly movies with car chasing, shooting and various kinds of fighting and punching. The night before we saw Troy which along with Gladiator are two of Mark’s all time favorite movies.  If he’s kind of been hammered at the press and he’s feeling underwater, I drag out Troy or Gladiator to cheer him up.

But it was my turn so we watched You will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger which had been recommended by our dear friend Jacqueline.  The movie was very boring to Mark and he said he didn’t see why he had to see this kind of movie which was about RELATIONSHIPS.  He doesn’t want to see movies that are all about RELATIONSHIPS. It makes him tired.  To cheer him up, after the movie we watched a Star Trek episode in which young Wesley Crusher was up to some sneaky business at the Academy and didn’t get to graduate with his classmates as a result.  But there were exciting things happening in space so Mark seemed a little cheered.

The tall dark stranger movie had some wonderful acting. Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas, Pauline Collins, Frieda Pinto, Lucy Punch, Theo James… but it didn’t move along the way Mark would like to see and the subject matter was all wrong.  To put it bluntly, what this Woody Allen movie lacked was a single car chase.  It was set in London; other London movies have car chases, but not this one.  Mark likes James Bond movies because you can count on car chases.  In the Bourne movies you can bank on reckless driving, destruction of property, life endangerment, to say nothing of several people losing their lives who seemed to have done nothing except be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I remember leaning over at a movie and asking, Why did this guy have to be killed?

Muddy paws, one of our family members responded.

Mark likes a movie with some lively action, a plot driven movie in which something happens.  He likes books like that too.  Toni Morrison and Henry James are too slow for him.  He likes Calvino, Murakami, Marquez. Who wouldn’t want to wake up turned into an enormous beetle or float down a river with an old woman you loved when you were  both young shortly after her husband falls off a ladder, or climb onto the moon for cheese?  We are so far from the moon, yet so close.

While I’m in Asheville, while I work at night, I’m going to find some deeply girly movies. Perhaps a peach Bellini is in order.  After all, Valentines Day is just around the corner.  I have to get ready.  We’ve already got our dinner reservations for Valentines Day and the following day, I run a marathon.  I probably won’t meet any tall dark strangers that day.  Or if I do, I’ll be running too fast to see them. Fortunately, I have my own romantic fellow.  In the right light, he does look like Brad Pitt in Troy or even Russell Crowe in Gladiator or Robin Hood.  The right lighting is everything.

As Keith Richards said in the Pirates movie, “Do I look like I’ve been to the Fountain of Youth?

“In the right light, maybe,” Johnny Depp responded.  Exactly.

Published in: on February 7, 2015 at 1:56 pm  Leave a Comment  

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