Every relationship has its own DNA; that which makes it tick. Oddly, it is difficult to change the DNA once it gets started. If you build your relationship based on the idea that you tell your significant other that you had a terrible childhood it is going to be very difficult to un-tell them. In fact, the reason there is no word for un-telling is that you can’t do it. Once you put something out there it’s hard to strike if from the jury’s memory. That’s why lawyers like to ask a question and get the answer and then event when the judge says the jury has to strike it from their memory, they really can’t. The words hang there staining the sky; words are a very definite thing. They have a shape and a plan of their own. They keep living long after they are released.
Sometimes people manage to change a relationship by changing the rules and getting the other person to go along with the new rules. The new way of thinking. As in, I’ve been thinking about it and maybe I should try to get along with my parents. What if I did that? Well, if your whole relationship is based on the fact that your parents are assholes, then you have to rethink the whole thing. Or if you have a whole relationship based on the idea that one of you is someone no one else would want because you’re too weird/nerdy/fat/unemployed/sick… and all of that changes, then what? What is Plan B? The next place in your relationship is going to have to be invented.
The best relationships allow for the possibility of a change. The possibility of a new truth. And in that new truth, you could become someone else. The DNA of a relationship is made up of the stories you told each other in the beginning the stories that threaded your lives together. You want to stay threaded together and you’re afraid if you unthread some of those stories, if you admit that you liked about something or other, maybe exaggerated, it’s scary to think that maybe the relationship you want to keep afloat, is based on untruths. Can you build a new relationship or a better version of this one by telling the truth? Can you reprogram the DNA of your relationship with anyone? It’s worth a try.