Give your lover an ostrich

kk 010

It’s very warm here at the beach. Tomorrow Tobi and I are going swimming. There are people walking the beach in bikinis. It’s in the 80s here. However, the waves are massive. Huge waves piled on top of each other. The surfers are out there riding the waves in wetsuits. But I don’t want this lack of wet suit to slow us down. I asked Tobi to show up with an extra pair of boxers for me so we’re good to go.

I’ve been walking more since I’ve been here, but the Garmin keeps encouraging me to walk more.

What the Garmin has:
1. The time
2. The date
3. Number of steps you have walked that day. Today I’ve walked 26, 811
4. Number of steps it wants you to walk in addition to what you’ve done, in this case 19,000. This is where it’s crazy. The more you walk, the more it wants you to walk. If you walk 5000 steps, it urges you to go another 3000. But if you do that 3000, it will urge you to do another 2000 and at 10,000 steps it tells you that you’re a loser if you can’t get yourself up to 15,000 steps. It’s never satisfied with your steps.
5. Then it gives you mileage which is completely incorrect. I run miles when I’m training for a marathon and I know how many miles I’ve run because I’ve measured all my runs with a car. It tells me I’ve run 8 miles when I know I’ve run 5. But when you’re walking, if you walk 5, it tells you that you’ve walked 3. So the mileage thing is completely bogus.
6. Then your calories. Today I walked four hours on the beach and then all over town. According to the watch, I’ve burned 2000 calories. Pretty sure I’ve burned more than that.
7. Then there’s the biggest problem with the Garmin which is they fall off. But as I said, I am planning to duct tape mine to my arm because in spite of all this, I want to keep mine.

The advantages of the Garmin.
1. You only have to replace the battery once a year.
2. They are waterproof.
3. They come in frisky fresh colors.
4. They do count your steps.
5. They encourage you to do more than you could possibly do.

I’m coming up with some random requests for Mark to just keep him on his toes. I mentioned that for $100 you can get a day old ostrich delivered. I told Mark that we would be the envy of our neighborhood, but he thinks laughingstock is more like it. If you are thinking an ostrich would be a good pet, let me assure you that there are some problems.
1. They run at maximum speeds of 60 MP so if it escapes, that’s going to be tricky.
2. They like to live in groups, so you will need more than one.
3. They live up to fifty years.
4. A single kick can prove fatal.
5. They have the most advance immune system which means your ostrich is not going to be catching herpes or rabies or pneumonia.
6. Their eye is larger than their brain.
7. They are omnivores. Like chickens, rats, mice and seagulls, they’ll eat almost anything.
8. The eggs: They take two hours to boil. They lay forty to one hundred eggs in a year.
9. Ostriches don’t need to drink water.
10. They only have two toes which they use for running.
You can get a day old ostrich delivered to you; with both their toes they’ll run toward you. But on the other hand, I’m looking for some cool short skirts. Here’s to short skirts and tights or an ostrich. The gift of an ostrich represents the random gift. Random isn’t always perfect.

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Published in: on December 22, 2014 at 8:55 pm  Leave a Comment  

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