What do you want for your kids?

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The Australian girl my son brought back is a smart one.  One of the things she comments on about American women is that American moms worry far more about their adult children than Australian moms.  She says that once the kids are adults, the parents like to stay in touch but they don’t worry about the kids any more.


Not so with American parents.  We continue to hover and trouble ourselves over the least details of our adult children’s lives.  We expect them to show up for holidays, for Mother’s Day, for our birthdays, we expect them to continue to revolve in similar orbits as we do.  They don’t always do as we wish.  Maybe we worry too much.  Worry never gets us anywhere, that’s a fact. But Americans spend a great deal of energy trying to control the world around them.  It’s what we do.  Perhaps the Australians have learned the important lesson that you simply cannot expect everyone to behave as you wish they would.


I do not tell my kids what to do.  I throw out suggestions, but I don’t think that it’s my job to tell them what they should do.  It’s my job to figure out my own life.  I don’t sit them down and tell them to go to college, to get different jobs or to start moving here or moving there. 


But I can’t claim to being completely hands off.  I’m thinking all the time. 


We each have our own life but for many of us, that simply isn’t enough.  We want to be the boss of what our kids are doing and eventually, we want to be the boss of our grand children too.  My friend Mike says that he doesn’t need to be the alpha male because he’s always been the alpha male.  That makes me smile because I think there are a lot of white males who like to think of themselves as alpha males.  America is full of them.  The country was founded by slave owning, white males who didn’t think women should be allowed to vote or own property.  It must be great to be a man. 


I want my kids to love their lives, and I don’t need to control their lives but I do want them to come home for the holidays.  I like hearing their stories.  Life is all about good stories.  

Published in: on September 5, 2014 at 8:47 pm  Leave a Comment  

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