Being a Matriarch is Exhausting

I was born to be a matriarch I decided after a divorce at thirty. It took me a while to send myself to matriarch school, but off I went and what I learned was very simple. You have to take charge and be the boss of everything. You can’t take no for an answer. You have to wield your power in every instance. Mark, who was my boyfriend at the time, seemed ready to let me take a go at it, so I flexed my muscles like Wonder Woman and began to exert my new found power. Mark seemed very casual about the whole thing like he was watching a moth spread its lunar wings.

The thing was that to keep my whole matriarchal thing in order, I had to keep flapping those wings all the time. I couldn’t stop for an instance. Mark kept an eye on my flapping wings, and they flapped like dragonflies, like crow’s wings, they kept me in the air. But I got tired, I wanted to take turns. I wanted to not have to be the boss of everything. I wanted to just feel the wind in my hair once in a while, and I wanted to land on a branch and clean my wingtips. I wanted to not have all the decisions on my shoulders. I didn’t want every wrong decision to be my fault. I wanted an us, but it was hard to admit that because I had wanted to be a matriarch so badly that I didn’t want to admit that it really wasn’t my thing.

Finally, I started backing off. I let go of some control, and I was still a feminist, I was still in charge of my own destiny. I don’t think that men should tell women what to do, how much to drink, where to live, where to work. I don’t think men know what’s best for women or that they know more than we do or that they deserve to make more money than we do. They are not in any way smarter or better. But, I still want life to be an equal playing game. Being a matriarch seemed very nice in theory and I’m glad Mark gave me a whack at it, but in the game of life, it turns out, I like partnerships.

Published in: on June 6, 2014 at 5:35 am  Leave a Comment  

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