Should you sleep with your baby?

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Alicia Silverstone’s net worth is 185 million. And growing. She’s also vegan. And she has her own brand of vodka. I would so much like to launch the Kate vodka which would be the best vodka for making a dirty martini. You can drink the Kate vodka up or on the rocks, you can drink anyway you like it and it’s great, it would be a multi-faceted, multi-gendered vodka.

Alicia has a book on birthing and parenting called The Kind Mama which offers some fresh ideas. One of them is that after the baby is born, you have a “lying in period” of ten days. I love that idea! Yes, I had to go back to work two days after my first and one day after my second child but that was because I had such a shortage of servants. And who can get good help these days? Probably with 185 million, lying around in bed for ten days is an option, but sorry Alicia, some of us have four letter words in our vocabulary, like work.

Another idea that makes me laugh is her suggestion that babies should sleep with their parents in bed. I admit that my primary reason against this is that the King Solomon story frightened me terribly as a child and since I am a violent sleeper and pretty much everyone I’ve ever slept with has been a violent sleeper as well, having a baby in the bed has always been a bad idea.

But let’s just go to the obvious: You pretty much never hear men begging to have the baby in the bed or even in the bedroom. Why? Let me give you a little hint. The man wants to have sex. Yes, he does. Women may fall in love with the baby and not need any sex for a while, but those same women are going to be super angry if their spouse starts to cheat on them. Sure, in the Middle Ages you had to sleep in the same room/bed while the pigs and chickens roamed the floor but let’s face it, we’re not in the Middle Ages. I doubt Alicia has ever been up close to a pig or a chicken since she’s vegan.

Which brings me to another point. Why do celebrities like to tell the rest of us how to eat and exercise. I like my booty, I like my jump meat. I don’t want to be vegan. I don’t want to drink juice for breakfast. I like coffee. I don’t want to give up sushi. I doubt I will look like Gwyneth Paltrow or Alicia Silverstone no matter what I do. Where’s my celebrity chef? You guessed it. I’m sleeping with him.

Back to Alicia. After birth she ate pills made from the placenta. Now, that’s just gross. She suggests giving your kids blueberries and that way they’ll never miss candy. I wonder how that will work when her kid grows up? The fact is, most kids like candy. And guess what? It doesn’t kill them. My kids grew up strong and glorious and they ate a lot of candy. I ate no candy growing up and that’s why I need so much of it now.

One thing she said that I agree with: What you eat when you’re pregnant will affect what your kids like to eat. I ate lots of fruit, vegetables and a ton of sushi. My kids love fruit, and they are so crazy for sushi it’s ridiculous. My daughter loves spinach, brussel sprouts, beets, all kinds of vegetables. My son likes French fries and whatever vegetables are on pizza, so there you have it.

My point is this, no celebrity knows better how to live your life than you do. Some people tell me that therapists know a lot about how to live your life. Probably. If I ever become a celebrity, I’m going to have a therapist too and then I’ll have it all going on.

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Published in: on April 22, 2014 at 11:33 am  Leave a Comment  
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