LA Times Book Festival, something for everyone, celebrities, poetry, books, food

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Celebrities are our royalty, so they play out the story of our age. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris are getting a divorce. An amicable divorce.

But they are going to continue to be good parents and get along for the sake of Apple and Moses. That is the future of divorce. Making it work for the children. The whole thing where you ruin the children’s future in the process of the divorce is wrong. But it still happens every day. People hire a lawyer, go to war with their ex and in the process, their children’s lives are trashed.

Mickey Rooney said, People are always asking me if I’m short. Since my last divorce, I’m short about $100,000.” Of course, that’s a laughable amount in today’s market where people walk away from millions when they get divorced.

Paltrow is committed to making a lot of money off her celebrity. She has an online business called Goop. Goop sells really overpriced stuff like $350 pillows as People magazine points out. Our pillows don’t really match anything but we got them at the Home store for a lot less than $30. I also like their note that besides making money off the little people in America who think they can look like her by doing the little Tracy exercises and eating the special foods. If I were a celebrity, I would look like a million dollars too. I do like it when celebrities like Paltrow complain about how hard it is to be a celebrity mother. How hard is it to pay the bills and make it all work if you don’t have Paltrow’s money? What if you are a poet running a non profit, now I am going to bet that is a lot harder than Paltrow’s life. I am very close to my people, the people who do the work for me. On the other hand, I love Paltrow in movies, I’m over the moon about her performances even when she’s cheating on Matt Damon I still love watching her. I wish her the best with her amicable split. And Chris is a rock star so he will be fine.

If you could change anything you wanted to about your spouse, what would you change?

Most people who have been married for more than a few years, have something they would change. Divorce happens when there are too many things you want to change.

I don’t have a long list of things I would change about my spouse, but I am always seeing other people’s marriages and thinking how I would change their spouse. I would roll up my sleeves and start in with the training.
Here are the rules:
1. I am not required to cook. You can cook or we can order takeout or I can cook if I feel like it.
2. I do the laundry if I feel like it (which in my case I do)
3. I can wear whatever I want to and I can wear makeup or not as I wish. Ditto for jewelry, garter belts, high heels, suits, jackets.
4. Unless I am an alcoholic, you can’t tell me that I am not allowed to have a second drink because you women shouldn’t have more than one drink because you don’t like women to have fun.
5. When I choose to cook, you eat your food and be nice even if it doesn’t turn out perfectly.
6. We both need to be nice to the in laws. We don’t have to love them but we have to play nice.
7. Raising the kids is the hard part. One parent is usually more permissive than the other; just roll with it and do your best to negotiate. Don’t expect me to be a perfect parent; that is not going to happen.
8. When you want to yell, take a deep breath, and ask yourself if it is worth getting yourself into a position where I’m not going to want to speak to you for a long while?
9. Hygiene: Bathe every day and brush your teeth twice a week, and do the man scaping.
10. Clean up after yourself and keep the house cleaned up behind you.
11. Be a man and fix stuff. You don’t have to be a plumber and an electrician, but you need to be able to replace a water heater, the garbage disposal, a faucet, build a book shelf, put in water pipes in the back yard, plant a tree, build a fence, bury a dead dog, change a tire etc.
12. Treat me as well as you did when you were first in love.

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