Ninja rats ate my house

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Brian Wamsley saw three rats holding down a coyote in a ditch one afternoon. Two of them were roughing that coyote up and one was going through his wallet. That’s the kind of thing you can learn in the Midwest. You can learn about how to eliminate zombies. And from the looks of things around here, the best thing would be to throw the zombies out in the snow and let them freeze their asses off. While they are freezing, you can sit inside by the fire and have a beer.

But it’s a much better story or movie if you have some reason that an attractive female has to go out among the zombies and get something. Like antibiotics. Or saving a child’s life. Even just rushing across the white plain full of hungry zombies to radio for help. The radio, the one that’s working, is always across some plain that is full of zombies.

But, the zombie population is growing, as Brian Wamsley points out, just like rats took over some of the islands off the coast of New Zealand and New Zealand itself after Captain Cook brought the rats there before 1800. So you need to be ready to fight off zombies.

For those of you who haven’t watched enough zombie movies, my four favorites are as follows: The classic: Night of the Living Dead in which the zombies are mindless reanimated corpses who are hungry for live humans but especially for brains. This was always popular with my kids when they were young; they liked to tell each other, “You want to eat mybrains because you don’t have any of your own.”

Our very favorite zombie movie isn’t really about zombies but actually references Night of the Living Dead, and it is that classic movie, Beetlejuice, in which the main zombie, played by Michael Keaton, wants to terrorize humans and be paid for it by wedding Winona Ryder who is only sixteen but according to Beetlejuice is perfectly ready to get married showing that he’s probably from Kentucky or Arkansas.

Then we get to my third favorite zombie movie, Zombieland with Woody Harrelson. When Woody opens a Hummer which has all kinds of machine guns in there, as he reaches for the guns to fight off the zombies, he says, “God bless rednecks.” It’s a crazy, funny movie that makes fun of other zombie movies. And zombie movies need to be made fun of because let’s face it, if there were zombies, you could simply let all the pit bulls out of the pounds and the zombies wouldn’t stand a chance.

My most recent stupid favorite zombie movie is Warm Bodies. It’s an extremely stupid movie starring John Malkovich who must have been ashamed to be in this movie. But it’s a movie that sneaks up on you. You know it sucks and everybody else knows it sucks, but it’s kind of weirdly compelling in a strange kind of what-the-hell-kind of way. It’s the kind of movie to watch when it’s raining outside and you have popcorn and rum cider.

Here at the University of Nebraska MFA program, we are having a pretty good time, but it is very cold. We went for a walk in the cold because it is New Year’s Day and we are very romantic

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Published in: on January 1, 2014 at 2:50 pm  Leave a Comment  
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