What’s wrong with online dating?


Fully ten percent of Americans have tried online dating, so why do I have a problem with it? What’s wrong with meeting people online?

1. I have never dated online because when I was dating, I was in college and boys were everywhere. What I wanted: Fun boys who wanted to have sex with me and go dancing. Believe me, at ASU, this was not a problem.
2. When you get older, most people become pickier. They want someone whose habits match their own whether it’s travel, money spending, raising children, smoking—or not, hitting the bong, or not, going out to eat or not, going to Europe or Hawaii or perhaps just camping. You’ve developed a self beyond your dancing/sexual self and you are pickier.
3. Even in my twenties when dating, I wanted someone who would be “fun,” and I married someone fun. I wrote a list of our differences as a kind of joke but I thought we could overcome this list which started:
I want to dress up you want to dress down.
I want parties, you want barbecues.
I want to travel the world, you want to stay in your own backyard.
And that was just the beginning, it went on for quite a while like that, but we got married anyway. Now you’re thinking but you got divorced eventually. Yes, but I don’t think it was because of those differences. The fact is I had fun making chili when my husband was watching football. I went to NY while he weaned the baby. We had parties and we had barbecues. We dressed up and we dressed down. We didn’t get divorced because of our differences but because we didn’t have a clue how to be married. I think figuring out how to change to someone you are different from is part of the fun stuff. You learn to ski. You go to the opera.
4. There are key things lots of us like to have in common. My ex is out there dating—online—and I know he has certain things that are lines he won’t cross. He won’t date a Republican. He won’t date someone that doesn’t like kids. But at this point there are other things that seem to make a relationship more likely to be fun. He likes theatre, he likes comedy, maybe someone who likes those things would be fun.
5. But what about going out on a limb? Isn’t the challenge of the thing part of the fun? What would be challenging for him dating? Someone who wanted him to learn cooking, wine tasting, someone who wanted to go to concerts, opera or horseback riding. I don’t know how many adventures he’s willing to try, but I think life should be full of adventures.
6. Adventures should be part of dating. My husband and I are planning to start yoga after the first of the year, and I think that will be a good adventure for us.
7. The problem with online dating is this: Women and men as smorgasbord. You don’t like women who dye their hair? Find someone who doesn’t. You don’t like men who wear fanny packs everywhere they go? Find one who doesn’t. Ugly shoes? Find a new man. Girl who laughs too loudly? Try again. Guy who doesn’t pick up his own beer cans, plates, dishes? Bingo, try again. What about a girl who calls her mother too often? Back to Plenty of Fish. The fact is that you are not a prince. You are not a princess. You are not everything. You have your own hang-ups, your own pathologies. If someone wants to spend any amount of time with you, you are privileged. If someone wants to listen to you, that is an honor. If someone wants to have a meal with you, that is a privilege. If someone wants to sleep with you? You lucky dog and the older you get, the luckier you are. Some of us are spectacular at any age, but most of us looked better naked when we were younger. If someone wants to cuddle with you, do the wild thing with you, and kiss the back of your neck, they have shared something sacred with you, say yes to the universe, say thank you.

Published in: on December 30, 2013 at 2:44 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Trend of online dating is increasing day by day..All of my friends are involved in online dating stuff. It is much easier than meeting someone in person and wasting time in get preliminary information. now i am interested in online dating as well. i have tried an online dating site and fortunately had positive experience with it. now i am curious to know more about most reliable online dating site., do you have any suggestions?

  2. I love reading your article. Heard a lot of stories about online dating. Most of them are successful. Thinking to try it and try my luck.

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