Don’t touch that food! It will kill you!

Ren Faire 008
“Yeah. I can eat goat cheese.

I was just telling your husband
that I have a condition where I go into
anaphylactic shock …” George Clooney says in Burn After Reading and as the movie proceeds, it turns out there are other foods, he allegedly cannot eat.

On a date he says,

“ Does that have shell food in it?

– Shell food?

– I got a sensitivity.
I go into anaphylactic shock.
My larynx swells up and it closes…
What the hell.
Live dangerously, huh?
Can’t always wear a condom, right?”

Food Problem One:

You might actually be allergic, not fake allergic, but really allergic. Of all the food allergies, ninety percent of allergies are to the same eight food groups: Cow’s milk, eggs, peanuts, shellfish, any fish, tree nuts, wheat and soy.

The problem is that lots of people who say they can’t eat these foods really mean they are trying not to eat them but not that they really would have to be hospitalized if they ate them.

According to Huffington Post, about twenty percent of Americans claim to have a food allergy, but only about three percent actually do. I believe the other seventeen percent of food allergy fakers really just like getting attention from waiters or family members. My friend Jackie actually cannot eat certain foods or she would be in the hospital. You don’t hear her whining and complaining, she just figures it all out. George Clooney plays the typical attention sucking wannabee food allergy sufferer that you see. He’s funny but most of the time it’s really boring.

If I were going to fake something to get attention, I could do better. “I’m a Victoria Secret model,” I’d claim. “I’m seventh in line to the Swedish throne. The monarchy is within reach.”

Food Problem Two:

There is a category of food you have chosen not to eat for religious or health reasons. For example, my husband and I only eat fish and fowl. No red meat, lamb, veal, pork. That’s a choice. But we stick with it. We tell people we can’t eat the pepperoni, the sausage, the bacon. We stick with our choice because we like it. My daughter has just cut out gluten and dairy. Her girlfriend can’t eat either and what was at first solidarity has really made my daughter feel better. Like our giving up meat, she’s now sticking to it.

Food Problem Three:

You’re trying to lose weight so you give up something. Usually that’s carbs, sweets and dairy. We can be good at this for weeks, but we look for opportunities to fall off the wagon. By ourselves we can be good but at restaurants or with friends we are always falling into evil ways. I think that’s typical of diets. They beg to be broken.

When someone tells me that they can’t eat something, I like to ask, “Can’t or won’t?” It’s a good question. Either you really can’t, or you’ve made a life choice that excludes it or you are temporarily giving something up but backsliding is possible.

You want to know how people eat? Find out how they vote.

Liberals are 28 % more likely to eat fresh fruit and vegetables daily. Republicans are scarfing down their liver and beef.

“The way you vote may reflect the way you eat. Liberals prefer thin-crust pizza, hard to pronounce pastas, such as gnocchi and fusilli, and a glass of wine with dinner, while conservatives enjoy deep-dish pizza, McDonald’s French fries and a can of coke with their meal.

Ten percent of liberals surveyed indicated they are vegetarians, compared with 3 percent of conservatives.”

I really may be descendant from the Queen of Sheba.

Published in: on December 17, 2013 at 4:20 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Hey Cuz! I’m a descendent of the Queen of Sheeba myself! See you at the next family reunion! I’ll be with my caretaker, and quite likely wearing a white coat with very long arms that hug me ever so tightly.

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