What religion would you like to join?

New Mexico 011

One of our neighbors has a very large Menorah on the front yard. You can see it when you drive down Balboa. I’m not sure what the large Menorah is supposed to accomplish. Is it sending a message like, “We’re Jewish. We’re cool. Don’t you wish you were Jewish too?” I’m just not sure if that message is going to be clear to everyone.

Now that I think about it, I have to wonder what is the selling point for different religions. Do you want to be Jewish? Well, Jews are smart, so that’s got to be cool. But they’ve had some hard times. (Understatement of the century.) So not sure I’m ready to convert quite yet. Show me some other religions.

Mormon? As a woman, I get to have five kids. Do what my husband says. No drinking and no coffee. That’s got to be rough. Without alcohol, how am I going to get pregnant five times? Without coffee, how am I going to raise the kids? I’m afraid that’s a big no.

Hare Krishna? I like the robes, but it’s too much walking around airports.

Buddhist? Sounds great. I like the oranges, the saffron robes; however, I don’t like all the mediating. I can’t sit still that long. But I really like the thinking behind Buddhism.

Islam: Now there’s a religion that simply warms the cockles of my female heart. I get to be one of four wives. That’s got to be fun. And I have to be all covered up all the time, and you know that my short skirts and tank tops will be frowned on. My whole wardrobe would have to change. I like to imagine that Muslim women actually have a lot of fun when they’re at home with their kids and the other wives, but overall, I’m fairly sure that being Muslim wouldn’t work out well for me.

Christianity: Now there’s a great religion. The Easter parades are fun. You got the rabbits and the eggs and the candy. You got Christmas with the lights and the trees and the presents. But enough about the pagan holidays that Christianity stole. Other joys of Christianity. In many Christian churches, you got the whole thing going where the man is supposed to be the head of the household. I’m sorry, that is not working for the Kate.

African American Christianity: Now this could work. You’ve got three things going for you. The food, the community and the music. Any of these three would make it worthwhile to be part of a black Christian church.

Let’s face it, most religions are not working for me. Religions are about rules, and I’m not a big fan of rules. Marx claimed that religion for people who are lost. I’m not lost, but when I see the Menorah on my neighbor’s front lawn, I’m thinking, well, that does look nice. If I joined that religion, I could have my own sign in the front yard. Signs show what tribe you belong to. I belong to a tribe. Tribe of writers. Tribe of outlaws. Tribe of wonderful crazy people.

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Published in: on November 1, 2013 at 9:11 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. So your sign would be a large quill? Maybe a huge brain that lights up would be more fitting. So few of those these days. Must be something in the water.


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