What would you do if you were the Lance Armstrong?

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What would you do if you were the Lance Armstrong?

Some are made for flight, some are made for fight, some for negotiation. What would you do?

Lance Armstrong used drugs to win the Tour de France seven times. He used cortisone, testosterone, blood doping and EPO. He sat in hotel rooms injecting blood and drugs, year after year and he bullied his team mates into lying with him.

When Floyd Landis wanted to be on Armstrong’s team in 2009, Lance dissed Floyd. That may have been a mistake. Floyd Landis ratted him out.

As the scandal unraveled, Lance posted a picture of himself on Twitter, under the caption, “Just Lying Around.” He is in his large living room with seven yellow framed jerseys on the wall. He looks happy and relaxed. I doubt that he’s quite as relaxed now, but honestly, what would you do if you were one of the most recognized faces in the world and one of the most despised?

I would grow a beard and move to Australia, to the outback of Australia. There I would be a cattle rancher. A happy cattle rancher. I’d reinvent myself riding horses and teaching my kids to ride horses as well. Let’s face it, he can’t be an athlete for a living. He’s not even allowed to run in a foot race. He can’t switch to swimming or running, ice skating or bungee jumping.

This man obviously had a big enough ego that he thought he could escape forever. He can’t fight it any more. He can’t negotiate, so there is running. The problem is that he is being sued by all these different companies. That’s why I would leave my lawyers to negotiate for me, sell everything I have and move to the cattle ranch. Or sheep and goat ranch.

I always believe people can start over. Okay, he was a bully, he was a liar, he ruined the sport of cycling. He made Americans look bad to the rest of the world. Please, we didn’t need Lance Armstrong for that. We’re already the world’s bully. The rest of the world thinks America is a bully when it comes to foreign policy, has no conscience when it comes to our rendition policy, and consumes way too much of the planet’s resources. Oh, and we are the only first world country which still has no health care, still has capital punishment, and imprisons 25% of the world’s prison population although we’re only 5% of the population.

So, we can’t only thank Lance Armstrong for the fact that many people in the world have a less than stellar view of Americans. Lance didn’t help though. What did the rest of the world learn from Lance? Americans cheat their way to the top and they lie about it and they keep lying even when the truth is everywhere apparent. They keep lying until they are standing buff naked in front of the entire world and even then they grab the microphone and say, “Look at me! I’m wearing clothes! Don’t you see the clothes? Tell me you see my clothes; tell me you like what I’m wearing right now.”

Go to Australia, Lance, grow a beard.

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Published in: on October 15, 2013 at 8:21 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Although populated initially by convicts Kate we would weed Lance out in 5 secs flat. We don’t like cheaters round here. But he could get into growing pot if he can afford a helicopter still – he might also need that to make fast getaways from the cattle farmers AND the cops 🙂

  2. Best life plan for the Lance Armstrongs of the world is to apologize publicly with 100% sincerely, give back the prize money, gifts, baubles, bikes, helmets, and commit himself to community service. He needs to turn his life around. And he should stay right here, without a beard. He should be bald-faced and recognizable, not hide. It has been done. It takes self-reflection, commitment.


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