Dreams, Zuma Beach, and Eyes Wide Shut

ll 048 Mark in Ireland

My computer fell apart. The screen had a big split that widened and then chopped in half and then the two parts of the computer disconnected in an untimely way that made me sad. No email for days and no laptop either. Good times.

Since I had no email, we went to the beach. We had plans to go anyway so nothing to stop us. We went to Zuma and the lifeguard said not to go out, she said she wasn’t allowing anyone to go out past where they could stand because the undertow was ferocious. I told her that I was a world class swimmer. I have no idea what that means. But I figure “world” as in I’ve gone swimming in different parts of the world and “class” as in I have thought about having class and may have class and definitely will have class in some other life. The lifeguard said, Okay, but be careful.

And then I went in. Out and further out. The waves were much bigger than I had expected and the undertow was ferocious, so I stayed out for a while, I swam in those waves and they kept piling on me and trying to pull me down. I kept diving under these huge waves like mountains of water and when I came out, I was without contact lenses, but I always have extra for emergencies like when I have to drive home after huge waves have hit.

Then to the Greek, twelve of us in a riot of party, oddly all these friends of ours who didn’t know each other before we met there with the belly dancer in yellow wings and a red dress and the boy who danced with a table in his teeth and then three tables. JJ liked the dancer, and Zach and Hannah liked the Carousel next door. It’s always great to see Travis and Sarah, Petra and Helmut, Chris and Tracy, and of course, all the kids just make it more of a party. Nicelle and Mark and I piled into the car for the drive home and JJ was asleep instantly. The belly dancer had yellow moth wings when she danced, then she had bells and music.

In my dreams, I am always on planes flying, in my dreams I fly first class. I think this is because when I walk past the first class people I feel such a visceral longing that it seeps into my dreams.

Oddly, in my dreams my house is better than it actually is as well. It’s not the whole house but there are many more trees and the trees are larger. Our house has quite a few trees including a couple palms, but the curly willow, the avocado, the empress, the blood orange tree, the schefflera tree, all of them in my dreams are massive trees. And our kitchen, in my dreams is huge, it is comfortable and easy to cook in. In my dreams, my life is huger, wetter, and of course, I fly first class.

Tomorrow is our anniversary and since it’s a Monday, we went out tonight to sushi and came back to watch Eyes Wide Shut which is a movie about monogamy in a way, one couple who fantasize about cheating on each other, but don’t. But the most disturbing scene is the “orgy scene.” It’s about a group of rich and powerful men who have paid a number of hookers to come and “do them,” orgy style. Women are not really human beings in this movie. Women are second class citizens. Even the wife played by Nicole Kidman doesn’t work. She has a daughter and she is looking for work. The men in the move seem like monsters, like animals. In the end, the woman dies for a man she barely knows. In the end, a man goes home to his wife and is safe.

The movie makes loving a man seem absurdly useless. Why would you throw down for someone who says you’re out of your depth when you want to save a girl from death?

In real life, there are still a few good men. I like to think so. As we celebrate thirteen years of marriage, nearly twenty years together, I definitely like to think so.

Published in: on July 28, 2013 at 9:08 pm  Comments (1)  
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  1. Happy Anniversary today! “…poetry will save nothing from oblivion, but I keep writing about the ordinary because for me it’s the home of the extraordinary, the only home.” ~Philip Levine Seretta Martin Author: Foreign Dust Familiar Rain Associate Editor: Poetry International Journal Regional Editor: San Diego Poetry AnnualEditor: Synesthesia: A Literary Journal on-lineCoordinator / Poet-Teacher: bordervoices.com / cpits.org Host: New Alchemy Poetry Series, 3rd Wednesday 7 – 8:45 p.m.Upstart Crow Book Store, Seaport Village, San Diego, CA 92101 serettamartin.com / fax: 858-576-9286 c/o Betsey Williams

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