Enjoying the current excitement of life rather than the future

ghost ranch 2011 046 New Mexico sky is coming tome soon

On Sunday, I land in Los Angeles at 10 am if all goes well. There will be gardening and seeing Mark and the dogs. I am really working on my garden this year, rippling the herbs and grains, fruits and comfrey. I want magic.

Then Pink Martini concert at the Bowl with Sarah and Travis. Monday, a big meeting, then my workshop, Tuesday, work and dinner with friends at Mike and Ann’s, Wednesday, work and then dinner in Pasadena at someone’s house, maybe we’ll even jump in the pool. Thursday lunch with Lisa who I haven’t seen forever! Then we go to the Bowl. Saturday is beach day. I like to see the beach at least once a summer. Then a big dinner party at the Greek. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg or the top of the sand dune. There’s more.

Anticipation: It’s one of the things that divides us from animals. We expect things to happen and that expectation pushes our feelings around. We’re tired, bored, angry, dissipated, wondering, sad, or just exhausted not because of current experiences but because of what we know will happen in the future.

Don’t make these kinds of plans! My husband insists. Just don’t. I want to stay home. Why do you plan for me to do all these things? Stop it.

Relax, I say, we haven’t gone anywhere. You might have a really good time, I say, but he’s already made up his mind.

That’s because we’re human. We know full well that party is going to be crazy. We’ve been to that party over and over again. That’s the problem. We anticipate parties and concerts, dinners and restaurants before we get there. We are always living ahead of ourselves.

If we lived in the moment, we might find out something about ourselves in the moment that we didn’t know, but we are programmed to reach back to memories that form us and forward to what we have going on.

Memories that stick with me:

Mother saying, “There are three gifts God gives women: Money, good looks and intelligence and you missed on the first two so do what you can with that last one.” And I have, by God, I have.

In the hospital when my first baby was born, another mother who was on her third child said, “Don’t forget, men come and go, your children are forever.”

I got something from both of those. The idea that I had a brain and I should use it to propel me forward in life. The idea that being a parent isn’t something you can ever walk away from. You have to do it and do it as well as you can.

Memories form us, make little tunnels in our brain. But back to living in the present. It’s what will make life worth living. Tomorrow. Next week. But also today. Also now.

What’s wrong with this moment? This one moment when I am sitting here with you. This is all we have. Right now. I’m so glad you’re here with me.

Published in: on July 19, 2013 at 2:23 pm  Leave a Comment  

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