Why some people never get married, but stay with their partner anyway

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1. They’re too chicken.
2. They don’t want the responsibility
3. They like filing separate taxes.
4. They like separate. Money. Bills. Stuff.
5. They’re afraid.
6. They think it’s too conventional, but what they’re not saying is that it’s too scary.
7. They don’t want to be grownups.
8. They want to hedge their bets.
9. They say that they saw their parents fail, but what they mean is they don’t want to have to take care of someone. Like that turning point in the movie, Arthur, when he says, “If you’re ever sick, I’ll take care of you,” and it’s because he’s realized it’s not all about him.
10. They want other people to think of them as available.
11. They always want to have a way out.
12. They don’t people to think they fell into a trap.
13. They care more about what they think people think than just letting go and being in love enough to actually get married. Getting married looks like an act of subordination from either side. You gave up something.
14. They’re not into their partner.
15. They like avoiding better than jumping in.
16. They’re afraid something could go wrong.
17. They aren’t planning to have children anyway, so what does it matter?
18. They weren’t going to change their name anyway, so what does it matter?
19. They’re into their own independence more than admitting they can’t live without this person. Or maybe they can live without this person.
20. Did I mention they’re afraid?

Reasons to get married and stay married.

1. It means you’re committed to this person.
2. It means you’re okay with giving up your “freedom,” to be with someone else forever, you want to be with one person. Even Warren Beatty eventually decided to have a permanent partner. Clooney’s still holding out—probably hoping I’ll come available.
3. It means that you want to learn everything there is to know about how you work out life problems with this one person.
4. It means you’re okay with going through bad times because you want to know what you’ll be like on the other side together.
5. It means you’re willing to change yourself to make it all work. Some people don’t. They keep doing the thing that undid their former marriage: Taking vacations/trips alone leaving the spouse at home with the dishes, having sweet little side dishes of your own, spending too much time on the golf course, spending too much time with the guys. You see men (and women) who make the same mistakes marriage after marriage. We all make mistakes on the starter marriage. What about learning from those mistakes?
6. Being in a long relationship with someone you get to the other side of worrying about every little thing. As long as the kids are all right, you can let the little stuff go.
7. You get to watch this person change and you change to accommodate that.
8. You get to take care of the person when they’re sick and have them take care of you.
9. You learn to laugh at yourselves.
10. You talk with them too much about everything, and they get you and you get them. That’s the big payoff–brain sharing, love sharing, life sharing.


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