Who’s Got Your Back?



Great birthday party this weekend with a lot of my favorite people there.  Two friends named Kim, both in stunning dresses.  I wore a red dress I’ve had forever and red shoes.  I have some good looking girl friends! I looked around and thought this is ridiculous.  Angela and Lisa, Kim and Kim D., Tracy and Sarah, Petra defies the laws that say after forty we begin to age, Karen—cute as a beaver, I tell you, it’s hard to keep up. 


What I’ve been thinking about since then, is this idea of who has your back.  And having your back comes in different ways.  Two of my friends are trying to sort out stuff with their families.  That is the big stuff.  If things aren’t sorted with your kids, forget having a happy life/job/married life.  And if things are upside down the spouse, you can feel like you’re drowning too. 


For many people, the place where they feel completely heard is in therapy.  Others are convinced God hears them.  (God has selective hearing.  I’ve asked him/her about a million times for enough money that I don’t have to sweat blood every month, but apparently, my prayers went up in smoke.)


One of my friends talks to her two closest girl friends.  We know the family, we like everyone, and we aren’t too judgmental.  I say, move your ass, sister!  But, I get it.  It’s not easy dealing with her husband.  He’s no saint even though he can be fun.


My other friend talks with her mother-in-law and her brother-in-law.  That took me back a bit.  When I think of who has my back, who I would call when things are rough, I’m thinking my daughter first and my son if he’s in town and of course, my husband unless he’s the problem we’re discussing and a couple girlfriends.  I would not be calling my in laws!  I talk with them about the weather and restaurants and other stuff like that.  Gardening.  Cooking.  Fun stuff.  Not problems in my life!  But my friend’s in laws are her first call.  It’s good to know who has your back.  Who would be there for you if you called them. 


What does it mean to have someone’s back?  It means that when they feel they are under attack, (keep in mind, they probably are not unless they live in Alaska and bears are coming,) but they feel like they are under attack, and they are fighting for their life, and you are there to fight with them and for them.  My daughter is always quick to point out.  You rule Mom!  Don’t let the bastards get you down.  You’re amazing.  You rock.  He’s lucky to have you! They’re lucky to be working with you! 


That is what I want to hear from someone who has my back.  The reason it’s amazing if you can talk with your in laws about yourself is that they usually have your spouse’s back, not yours. 


And in the end, here’s the big thing as my husband would say, we should all be on the same team?  Shouldn’t we.  Can’t we be on the same team? 


Team Kate?  I say, sure, you can be on Team Kate.

Published in: on May 1, 2013 at 9:32 am  Leave a Comment  

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