You ask me how I know, my mother said so

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Your mother is not always right. I hear people all the time quoting their therapist, “My therapist says that my husband needs boundaries, so I give him boundaries.” What is he, an Irish setter? A poodle? He needs to jump over those boundaries and come into your space. What’s the point of being married with all these boundaries?

My mother-in-law likes to state things like they are the God’s honest truth. She came to the birthday party and got to talking. She says that it is working out really well for her to live with her daughter and son-in-law. She lets them eat alone half the time, goes to bed at eight and doesn’t go on their camping trips or their annual trip to Big Bear because she gives them plenty of space. All this may be true, but to verify, I would have to ask my sister-in-law because my mother-in-law followed that up by saying that my sister-in-law simply adores her two brothers.

Now that’s not true. Her family is very much like ours, the kids are very close to them and they all hang out and have good times. Our kids are of highest importance and we are always planning the next time to get together. But my husband comes from a family of three and like my ex husband who also came from a family of three –his mother, uncle and himself were all raised by his grandparents—as adults, neither family was close. My ex and their family got together once a year at least, but with my husband’s family, it’s a wedding family as in they get together at weddings. The last time they all slept under the same roof was as teenagers. I think they like each other just fine, but to say that she adores her brothers? Probably not so much. I think she’s well aware of their faults which are many.

And then my mother-in-law responding to a guest who was saying how wonderful Mark is, shut down that line of reasoning to say that the really amazing person in their family is Mark’s older brother who she said is incredibly smart. You can’t even believe the knowledge this guy has and good looking? Good god. Insanely good looking. She almost fainted when she began to describe him– tall, blonde incredibly handsome, his eyes! I thought she was going to pass out.

It is moments like that when one says to oneself, “Well then, it’s margarita time, and I went and had a third margarita.”

If your mother tells you that you are brilliant, that you are good looking, that your eyes shine like no other, that you are the son of a god, that your intelligence overpowers the angels, that your siblings are just lucky to be in your presence, remember this, you probably remind your mother of someone she loved once. You probably are every bit as special as she thinks, and yet, not so special that you should put on airs. Don’t take it to the bank. I’ve never had the sibling experience, but I hope I can love my kids equally, that I see the beauty in each one of them. Just because your mother said so, doesn’t make it so. You might be just an ordinary guy or a regular girl. And remember, gods have less fun. People envy the gods. People try to tug them down from Olympus. People say things like, “He’s not all that, she’s nothing!” But really, what they mean, he’s not better than me. She’s not better than me.” Love is a strange thing, like fish it moves in water and bends in light.

Published in: on April 29, 2013 at 2:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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