Kaiser is not a fun place to be

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The reason I would make a terrible doctor/nurse, in fact the whole medical profession is out of the question for me is that I hate hospitals. I’m sitting in one now thinking things, like, “Why? Why me?” and even, “Get me out of here!” It’s hard for non Angelenos to picture this, but I’ll try to give you the picture. My work place is 30 miles from this hospital, and it took me more than two hours to get here.

I was sick all day at work and I knew I needed some antibiotics. I felt stupid for not asking Mark to get them for me in London because I knew I was coming down with something last week and getting antibiotics from Kaiser is a work of God. You basically need a half day. You either take off work early and get there by 3 which takes a half day or you go to urgent care which takes half the night. Either way it isn’t good. I’ve spent many hours that would have been great anywhere else, sweltering in ugly chairs staring at green walls at Kaiser.

Luckily for me, my kids never got sick or broke anything otherwise I would have had to come in with them, and let’s face it, I wouldn’t have liked that. I don’t have the patience for hospitals and the smell of them really isn’t a plus. When someone I really love is sick, I gird up my loins, but it’s not my first choice. I had to go when Steve got his tonsils out; fortunately Amy never had anything wrong with her. I’m sure she would say that she was always perfect. Her girlfriend might disagree.

At any rate, this thing I get is an eye infection. It starts off with my eyes hurting and oozing like I have the plague and it’s the 13th century and then my eyeballs turn red and the whole world looks pink. I look like a serious alcoholic (what other kind is there?) Allegedly this is exacerbated by the fact that I wear contacts. I have no glasses, so I don’t really have a choice. Same thing with why I have to use my cell and I can’t talk on a hard line. We don’t have a hard line.

Kaiser is a nasty weird place to spend the late afternoon. At home there is chicken roasting, there is wine, there is a movie to watch. Mark is waiting. Here, I’m just cooling my jets. I left work at three and made an appointment at 4:30 to avoid Urgent Care which is only a tad worse than the fifty circle of hell. At 4:30, I had covered fifteen miles and the sign said that the next ten miles would take me another two hours. I got off the 405 and made my way slowly through Hollywood. Past the Beverly Center. God, I hate malls, but especially the Beverly Center and the Grove which are all about the top 1 percent. All in all, I was able to cover thirty miles to the hospital in about two and half hours. That’s Los Angeles traffic. And that’s why I’m sitting in Urgent Care. Not fun.

Well then, between the traffic and the Urgent Care, it kind of sucks to be me today, but things are going to get better. As Ron Carlson would say, one doesn’t die of grief, eventually you’ll come out and want a toddy. And that’s what’s going to happen to me. I’ll come out and want a margarita. My birthday is Thursday and I’ll be feeling well then, and on Saturday we are having a huge party!

Published in: on April 22, 2013 at 7:52 pm  Leave a Comment  

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