How to get your man to perform

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Not like that! You have a dirty mind. I meant perform other stuff. But even that.

The generation of women now in their mid fifties and sixties were raised by a generation of women who believed in manipulating men. Women have always been as smart or smarter than men. And the tendency is for women to underestimate males, to think of them as truncated females. They can’t remember things, they can’t do things on their own like make hair appointments and buy clothes, they can’t pay their own bills, they can’t function without women. That was the story. That behind every good man was a good woman. What a horrible place to be. Behind? Oh, I’m just dying to be back there doing the dishes and washing the clothes and taking care of the kids. Dishwashers are a good invention and I consider child care a joint operation.

So those women born in the 20s-40s believed that their daughters needed to please men and to get those men to do things you had to manipulate them. Pretend it was their idea. That generation of men liked being catered to, they liked women who wore garter belts and heels, they liked Playboy, they liked costuming. They were obsessed with sex but not really interested in the women themselves. When I’m around that generation of men, I always try to wander off and have a conversation with a really interesting women where I’m knee to knee with her, leaning into her, smelling the rum sweetness on her breath, feeling her intellectual excitement as we exchange the ideas and I look around the party and I see women smiling up into men’s faces as they rain down words and I’m so glad not to be them. I like the exchange.

My generation of men in their forties, early fifties expected partnerships. They lived through second wave feminism, their wives voted for Hilary and they know their partners are as smart as they are. But the women’s magazines kept spewing the same advice.

Get your man to buy you an expensive ring. So you can, what? Show it off?

Get your man to take you somewhere expensive for your anniversary and torture him if he doesn’t think of this himself. Hey, I’ve got an idea, what if you make reservations for the anniversary and surprise him. Or tell him where you want to go, how about that?

Or if it’s your birthday, why not drop some hints of some books and music and stuff you want? Why does it have to be a goddamn guessing game? Why are women deliberately obtuse and then gleeful about the fact that their man isn’t psychic? I don’t want my man to be psychic because then he’d know how I really feel about Clive Owen and Denzel Washington and I can’t have that. That’s why I tell him what I am hoping for; I don’t leave it a guessing game. The way to get your man to perform is very simple. Use your lips.


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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Incredible indeed.

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