You get the life you choose.

December 13, 2012

You live in a little apartment or a little room. You have no significant other. You sometimes go on a timid date but it doesn’t work out. You eat eggs from a little white bowl with a spoon. Sometimes the egg runs around in the bowl.

You wish it would work out and someone would get down on their knees and beg you to be their wife like in stories! Like in the movies! And then you’d be there in a white dress in a ring, oh yes, the ring and picking out china and at the party where people would adore you and think you’re all that because you would be, you are, you must be after he/he/he got down on his knees and practically begged you to be his wife. He couldn’t live without you. Your heart swells with gratitude. He’d be willing to be buried in sand up to his ears just to be able to spend more time with you.

He likes your mother too even though other people say she’s a bitch, but what do they know? He says your mother’s like pink lemonade. He doesn’t mean pink as in almost red and lemonade as in sour and makes your mouth pucker. He means pink lemonade like spring mornings and summer afternoons and porches and yellow dresses with lace and shoes with black laces and stockings and he means that he loves you/you/you everything about you so you love him too just because. His hair is combed. He’s the kind of guy you could bring home to your grandparents and that’s what you always wanted, someone you could bring home to them.

And you could be so different if all this stuff could just happen but it doesn’t. Your place is dark and small and the fabric on your couch is itchy and there are no palm tress and no bougainvilleas around your place just trash cans and sad little bushes that never catch fire or talk to you. So you talk to yourself. You say, it’s going to happen if they would just get out of my way. Or treat me right. Or notice me. But they don’t and your life doesn’t change.

Because this is the life you chose. You wanted safe. You got safe. You wanted alimony. You got it. You wanted rock. You got it. You wanted little. You got little. You wanted quiet. You got quiet.

If you wanted freedom. Riot, sound, noise, music, feet, wild, you’d have that.

If you want travel, choose travel. If you want sex, choose a partner who likes sex. If you want dance, choose dance. Inhabit the world you want to live in and then if you want to change it, start moving the pieces like you’re a set designer, because you are. This is your life. Your only life. So live it darling. And dance. Create the space you want to dream around in.

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Published in: on December 13, 2012 at 10:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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