June 3rd, 2012
Let sleeping dogs lie.
My dogs are sleeping, but in spite of that, I plan to wake ‘em up and put them outside before I go to dinner. Why? Because they might crap on the floor.
That’s the problem with the concept of letting dogs lie. What will happen if you let them lie around?
In a work situation, there is often no reason to go over whatever reason someone has for being mad at you. You’re not sleeping with him/her (hopefully) so if you aren’t exactly on the same page, does it really matter? You just have to be able to work together. We have writers who love us, but I’m sure not all of our writers think we’re the cat’s pajamas (hard to believe,) but as long as we can work on their book, it’s all good.
But what about people you know who you really wish you could straighten out because they are just not getting what is screwed up about their life. Don’t. Is my suggestion. If they wanted your advice, they would ask for it. And anyway, maybe they’re just living by their rules, not yours. It’s okay for them to have a messy house, not cut their kids’ hair, eat fast food every night, it’s none of your business.
And then what about family members and in laws? You want to know what is going on. Or you have issues from the past. Your mother didn’t treat you right. Your brother was a real jerk back in the day. Do you need to clear the air?
I think not. I don’t think you accomplish anything positive. If a person wants to know what is wrong with the relationship with you, they’ll ask you. I think letting sleeping dogs lie is the way to go.
Unless it’s the relationship with your spouse in which you should try to be mostly honest. (Skip comments like this: Are you getting a double chin? You look better with longer skirts. Do you have to wear those shoes?)
With the spouse you do want to be honest and wake the dogs up. Wake them up and say, stop it. We need to talk. Let’s lay it all out on the table. Because with your spouse, you want to be as close as possible and that requires honesty. I am honest also with my two kids and with my ex husband. If I say to him, you can be a jerk sometimes, he agrees with me, although he probably thinks that I can be a little slacking in the disciplinary department. (I have no idea what he is thinking when he says this. Moi? Not discipline the offspring?)
So, you do not need to clear the air with anyone who you don’t want complete honesty and intimacy with, otherwise, shut it.
Silence can be a good thing. Flying to Utah on Wednesday. Mormons know something about silence.