Why Some Men Prefer Sweet Quiet Women

January 29th, 2012


Let’s start with this.  If you are married to a sweet quiet woman who does what you say, who smiles and laughs at your jokes, God bless you.  Who wouldn’t want such a wife? The great thing about being married to someone who is quiet, obedient and if she’s smarter than you in any way is smart enough to hide that, the best thing about that is that you feel like the king of your castle all the time.  Who doesn’t want to be king?


Being king means that you own the casle, that you give the orders.  Who hasn’t dreamed of being the king of the castle?  If you want to be king of your castle, then you need an obedient princess and you should choose your princess wisely, ideally someone who will follow orders, be awed by your accomplishments and be willing to watch pictures/slide shows/DVDs of your travels and impressive leaps and jumps.  She should like hearing you talk and not talk too much herself.  She should be willing to give up her name/favorite foods/weird friends to be with you.


The Fifties was a real heyday for this kind of activity.  You could say to your wife, “Hey darling, we’re moving toTexas,” and she would start packing.  “Hey honey, I just bought us a new Chevy,” and she would run out to see the car and thank you with big wet kisses.  (Nothing against big wet kisses.)


You could boss your wife and no one would think less of you.  Now if you tell your wife to make you dinner, to pack the car, iron your clothes, or bathe the kids, you’re likely to get the look, and if you’re lucky, only the look.  Smart women don’t like to be given orders.  They like you to make requests.


We have several couple friends who are married to women as smart and outspoken as they are.  Karen, Lisa, Sasha, Tracy and Deborah all give their spouses a run for their money.  And of course our lesbian couple friends all seem pretty even as well.  It’s always fun to be around couples with smart women because they get sassy and have stuff on their brain.


The reason men don’t marry women as smart as they are is very simple.  They’re scared.  Scared of feeling stupid and small.  Nobody likes to feel stupid or small.  Nor should they.


A really smart woman who is also a good human being would never make her man feel like an idiot.  Because in fact, if she needs to make her man feel like an idiot then she obviously has low self esteem herself.  I am always amazed when spouses say negative things about each other in public.  What you have to wonder is what the hell they say to each other in private.


Which brings up another point.  In my opinion, you should treat your spouse way better than you treat the mailman, (unless the mailman is your lover in which case you have a way cuter mailman than I do) and sometimes you see people who treat their spouses so offhandedly that you really wonder what they’re thinking.


Choose wisely with your spouse.  Choose someone you can respect because you’ll be your best person if you are challenged.  Being challenged by the person you love is amazing.  It’s everything.  Have a Kate Hepburn type wife, someone who has a mind and can speak her mind.

Published in: on January 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm  Comments (38)  

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  1. Personally I’ve never had the desire to be king in the castle. The resident artist of the castle seemed more appropriate. As far as a wife who listens without comment, one should just marry a tape recorder then you could just play it back when you wanted to agree with what’s said. A man needs a partner in order to live happily not a tape recorder. Love your posts


    • Love the idea of the resident artist. Then of course, some people want to be the court jester, but that’s another issue.

    • But women love feisty men who beat up others, especially other men.

  2. I cant speak for everyone but the best women for me is one that is a little quiet hopefully because shes just a humble person. But knows how to have fun and make me mad. I want a women who complains a little gets on my nerves every once and a while and tell me when im wrong or when she dis a agrees. Not a women who acts like a robot. Because thats what relationships are for dealing with the other person problems. And letting each other known when your right and when your wrong. And for any women out there rarely does any man want a girl that says nothing accept ok contrary tto popular belif.

    • I agree! If I had to stay quit, whenever HE wants something or says something, no I couldn’t……I tell my dad that he’s an asshole, if I feel like

  3. I agree with the writer. I am dating a woman who is more on the reserved side and this is the happiest I have ever been. As a professional, its hard to meet other women who are willing to let men take the lead or give him and opportunity to be gentlemen. Culturally, out spoken behavior varies from group to group. In my culture, its the norm for women to be outspoken and have a lot of confidence. So much so its sickening. I believe a man should respect his wife’s opinion, but no man want’s a woman that constantly forces her opinion down his ears, or tries to One-up him in every conversation. A man’s job is to protect and provide for his wife. And its her job to support him, not nag him to death. Not saying this is a requirement for most guys, but I definitely think most guys prefer a woman who says little. I believe those marriages will last longer.

    • I know! Really. Why can’t women be quiet? Listen, let’s say I’m a man who just wants a woman who is younger than me. Is grateful that she is married to me. Is willing to do what I say. Accept that I’m only one man and I can’t perform in bed like I’m in my 20s because I’m not. And how about she’s willing for me to travel on my own and come back and show her the pics. Enjoy my slideshow. Cook me dinner! Keep her mouth shut. If she has complaints, keep them to herself. If she has a problem, she needs to remind herself who’s the boss. I’m the boss. Quiet woman, I’m the light.

      • I was in agreement with Kate Gale’s post (“Why Some Men Prefer Sweet Quiet Women”) until I saw this reply. The grammatical constructions (“Is grateful that she is married to me”) seem unfairly directed towards men of a particular culture–and that’s not cool.

  4. The author of this article seems like she’s had a bad experience with men

    • Not really. I like men. I’m sitting one one’s lap as I write this.

  5. […] them? Do you want a feisty woman in your life and bed? And you’ll see in the side bar as well, Why Some Men Prefer Sweet Quiet Women. One of my favorite lines reads, “I am always amazed when spouses say negative things about each […]

  6. As with most things, it’s about balance. I love a women who speaks her mind, but does it in a sweet way that allows for the possibility that I may not agree, and I may not be wrong.

  7. I think a woman can be sweet/nice and genuinely care about other people and let her husband take the lead while ALSO having opinions and not being afraid to stand up for herself when someone crosses a line. It’s about balance. I think a lot of women, underneath their rough exterior are sweeter than they want people to know because it makes them feel vulnerable.

  8. Thanks. I’ve realized now that I might make my man feel stupid a bit today. I was mad and in sarcastic mood and just wanted to laced into him.

    I really like your posts. Smart and lambent.


  9. Why should a woman make her man feel small and an idiot anyway?

  10. It seems like most guys don’t want to marry the sweet, quiet, obedient women. If that were the case I would probably be married by now. Most of my friends that are married are all quite outspoken women. I wouldn’t say I am completely obedient, but I don’t usually complain about much. I hardly bring up issues. I think when I am in a relationship I become boring because I am so worried about trying to make it work and forget about all the things I enjoy or want to do. So I think those other women have it right I just wish I could be a little more outspoken in a relationship, unfortunately that may never change for me 😦

    • Most men want the weak, silent, types if they are conservative. Conservatives believe that men should be outspoken and baggy while women should be silent.

  11. Yes men prefer a traditionally feminine (passive) woman but its a compromise on both sides: men don’t like being strong and chivalrous. We’re inclined towards laziness. No one likes assuming the roles the other sex imposes on us (read Sartre’s “No Exit”), its just the nature of relationships.

    • Only liberal men are lazy while conservative men are strong and chivalrous.

  12. Everything portrayed in this article actually has no relation to any kind of gender whatsoever. A lot of females with low self-esteem would rather have a man who’s like a puppet & can be manipulated, than a man who knows things, reads, has opinions & can convey them.

    So the issue here is not a certain kind of men, or women. Those kind of people exist in all genders. The other kind also exist in all genders. And it can’t even be generalized by saying something like that men are more inclined to do that than females. And you know it’s true. But when you wrote this article, you generalized it to portray people like you i.e. females with brains & an outspoken attitude. Which is a small cross-section. Nothing’s wrong with a little bit of generalization though. Just needs to be mentioned somewhere. As there are a myriad of other characters available on the planet, who are not like you, even in an abstract sense.

    Also, if a man/woman IS afraid of women/men in general & wants a woman/man which can be dominated, why is it so bad ? Maybe she/he will increase his confidence gradually & he/she will be free of those negative feelings eventually.

    Also, from my personal experience, I have experienced following trips in my life:

    1. Putting the girl above you on a pedestal & worshipping her
    2. Putting yourself on an ego-trip & asking the girl to worship you
    3. Behaving as equals
    4. Being with a smart & feisty girl
    5. Being with a smart, sweet & quiet girl
    6. Being with a beautiful & rather stupid (by general conventions) girl

    And by my above experiences, I can say (for myself, without generalizing), that no situation was better or worse than the other one. It’s all good AND bad. Depends only on how you look at it.

  13. I’m a GHaNaian black young boy age 21years and i wish to Marry a Brazilian white girl. I Love Brazilian woman….

  14. Aquiet,listening Woman To Husband’s Orders Loving To Be Corrected.Is Whom Men Prefer Most

  15. Yeah he makes love to me more when am quiet

  16. I agree with Ron.

    And for all the women out there who think it is”cool” to be the dominant partner they are utterly and totally mistaken.

    You are disrupting the natural harmony of a marriage and it is never ever ever going to work out that way.

    The “flow of life” is moving to the right and all you Dominant women are going to the left.

    Remember one thing ladies, no matter how smart or independent you think you are you can never work against nature. Ever

    But of course modern society wants confused women to think that it is sexy for a woman to be dominant… just like they want Men to think it is cool and hip to wear eyeliner, makeup, shave their legs, and just act like a woman in general.


    You dominant women are the scum of the earth and are Effing up the natural balance that GOD created.

    And then you wonder why you are 55 years old, single, with no kids and no family structure, and no kind of true stability in your life.

    Way to go dominant women you really showed those guys you had big balls!!!




    • ones has to believe in god to indulge in such stupid reflexions :p.
      I’m a man and I don’t believe in god, neither do I believe in fixed and absolute 2 way “NATURE” m and f. people are different from one another, yes women tend to be more submissive IN GENERAL, but there is nothing wrong with not being submissive.
      sex is a thing, if you want to play, that’s ok ( I do like to be dominant), but in general, living as equals is what’s right.
      “A woman should be quiet, and if she’s more intelligent than their husband tthey shouldnt show it”
      that’s so stupid ^^, so basicaly, even if the man say something wrong or utterly stupid, the girl should shut the fuck up because… it’s natural order?
      god I’d never get married with someone I treat like a pet and who have no opinion and personnality, I know I’m flawed and hiding behind that pityfull domination because you’re too afraid to face that you’re nothing against the world.
      some men are afraid to marry with a girl that have a better job than them.
      when you feel that you’re just a useless and stupid punk, you put someone under you to save the appearence

  17. 1) “Choose someone you can respect because you’ll be your best person if you are challenged. Being challenged by the person you love is amazing. ”

    This is really good advice. It is good because you know this person has your best interests at heart, and wants you to be the best you you can be not only for yourself but for the relationship, your family, friends and others in your circle of influence.

  18. While some of what you say may, in some cases, be almost accurate, I know a good many sweet quiet women who are that way because they like to be that way. They feel full and whole as people and have nothing to prove, no need or desire to dominate a conversation or a partner of short or long duration. They are happy in themselves, in other words, and do not consider listening, considering points of view, lending a helping hand, anything other than a way to bring kindness into the world.

    These women tend to be of strong moral fibre, with an enviable confidence in themselves. They don’t feel they need to elevate themselves by putting other people down. They don’t feel it is entertaining to judge others and tell the world what their judgments are just so that they can get their heels a quarter inch off the ground. And, the one’s I’ve been lucky enough to know, are good, equal partners when it comes to sexual expression, too.

    I love these women. They have quite a bit to teach other women and many men, but they would never presume to do so, not out of cowardice or subservience or fear of any description, but because they live their moral fibre in word and deed, and have confidence that just being as they are is good enough. If some notice, good. If others don’t, good as well. They are not a circus act, after all, but palpable, caring people, not out to gain at another’s expense.

    That said, part of me feels you are demeaning such women with your self-congratulatory broad brush stroke against sweet, quiet women. You might discover, if you even once let yourself get close to one, (maybe even sit on one’s lap like you do your husband’s, without feeling proud of yourself for so doing,) you might learn to love all of your sisters, and brothers, by any description, and be less concerned with broadcasting your prejudices against people not like you. They are made of the same soft flesh as you are, after all, with the same desires, hurts, successes and failures, and, besides, just who are you to declare yourself their judge? But, then, you aim to please, my darling, and sadly, often you do.

  19. Lol r all u people for real? I’m Latina and we always speak our minds to our Latin men….we work,clean,cook, and knock their socks off in the bedroom….but dnt get us mad boy, pots and pans will be flying but the make up sex is out of this world ay papi…

  20. they’re not intimidated, men love and respect intelligence in women. the thing is with great power comes great responsibility, and women generally don’t like responsibility. a smart woman is more likely to be conniving, manipulative and opportunistic.

    more than intelligence, men are attracted to character. it’s like the whole fruit of knowledge deal, ignorance is bliss. even if she’s a simple girl of simple means, her earnest and kind personality is all a man needs to nourish his soul. his male buddies and colleagues can feed his craving for stimulating conversation, all he needs from his woman is a warm hug. so you see, it’s simply smarter for a smart man to avoid smart women, because they know the game and don’t want any part of it.

  21. cool but no one cares

  22. I like to contect

  23. Big picture. We live, we die, once our bodies return to dust, we think and feel nothing, we are nothing after death. It’s life that matters. Time is not on our side, I no longer suffer freedom and time sapping people. I prefer a man who understands – marriage mates are still separate people. We may live together, but we shouldn’t live in each others pocket. And never in a servant and master or boss and employee relationship. Blended lives, two people who enjoy time together and apart and come back to each other at the end of each day because they love seeing each other. The word obedience suffocates individuals – additionally the opposite of that word – disobedience – implies wrongdoing – something that requires corrective action from the master. Not a good picture. I prefer common goals, working together, when you have differences of opinions stand back let your mate choose. This is where two working adults with separate bank accounts have an advantage. A stay at home parent should get a living wage though, a full time parent shouldn’t be made to beg or forced to obey the partner bringing dollars in. The full time parent deserves their wage and respect. No kids? – well if it were me I would work outside the home and be a monetary contributor to the marriage separate bank account of course. If you feel you have no common goals maybe you aren’t right for each other. Btw quiet women are not all servile. Some of us bristle at the idea of playing second fiddle to a dominant mate. Life IS everything. Make a good life, care honestly for others at the end of your days look back and smile. I hope it was good and you can thank your dear ones for sharing time with you.

  24. I do agree with some of the things in this article except changing my name. This is a western culture that is viewed as bizzare in where I’m originally from. I have my own identity, my name links me to my family and heritage and why would I cast away the name I had all my life. How does that lead to the success of a marriage? Lot of men are not willing to make the same sacrifice for their wives. This practice originated from the times when women were seen as a mere property and so they had to change it because they were no longer their father’s property but their husband so it baffles me that such practice continues. I’m not a hard core feminist and I do like the idea of having my husband as a leader of our home but if a woman wants to keep her name then that is fine…dont feel pressured into doing something you dont want to, your name is part of your identity after all

  25. Sad bunch of men and some women here. Some of you are so confused. If a man wants a quiet wife why marry. Just stay single and have a girlfriend. This is so evil for a man to seek a quiet woman who never shares her opinion. They are many times and situations in this woman’s life that she will need to be very vocal in control and in control in her situation. Men cannot control every dog gone thing!!

    Come from out of the cave days people. If you men don’t want your wife to speak and be quiet and not use her mouth that was given to her, you are more evil than I thought. Just don’t marry!! Stay single and hop from bed to bed. Save your wife from a life of pain and frustration!! The woman you expect to be quiet and speechless will burst wide open one day and attack you. Be careful what unrealistic expectations you arrogant, sadistic. men place on women. Men are some scary creatures.

  26. Typical feminazi feel good propaganda.

  27. Not bad indeed

  28. That explains! This cleared up a lot in my current situation. I have no many male friends. At work, they are my enemies but if I stop resisting or being well acertive, otherwise they feel entitle to harrass you or use you as a floffer. Even your boss or supervisor will pimp you to his mates or favorites. So I rather stay smart enough to let them know in their face how sick they are rather than letting them feel the kings of the shop floor/office floor.
    Long time ago… my first boyfriend told me that I think like a pro but how I supposed to know about such fragile ego. I am just happy that not many men are like that… Are they all? @,@ oh! oh!

  29. This makes me speechless.

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