Feisty women, should you put up with them? Do you want a feisty woman in your life and in your bed?

June 2, 2011

Okay, here’s the problem with feisty women.  They stand up to you.  They like to make their own money, they like to spend their own money.  Or save their own money. They speak up when they have something to say.  They have a drink when they want to, go to bed when they want to, they think their own thoughts.

All this independence is sexy if you are a strong man.  If you’re not, then you will feel small around the feisty woman.  Whether you will feel small, depends on you.

Chances that you will feel small around a feisty woman are good if one of the following is true to you:


  1. You were born before 1960 when feisty women were mostly Eleanor Roosevelt and Joan of Arc.
  2. You generally like to be the boss of things.
  3. You think women aren’t as smart as men.
  4. You chose someone not as smart as you so you could always be superior.
  5. You think you’re better than everyone.
  6.  You think that you’re better than most people.
  7. You think you’re smarter than most people.
  8. You raise your voice to women until they learn how to be quiet and listen to you.
  9. You like to have the last word.
  10. You don’t like yourself.
  11. You feel small.  You’re afraid of women.
  12. You want women to look up to you.
  13.  When you hear a woman speak in a way contrary to how you see the world, all you can think is, “she’s wrong.”
  14. Strong women make you tired.  You wish they would shut up.
  15. You believe in having the last word.


The great thing about being a feisty woman is that you feel your own heart strong and throbbing and you don’t need to ask permission to speak, to dream, to act.


That doesn’t mean that you aren’t insecure, that you don’t wish you could do more, that you don’t ask yourself every day why you’re stuck.  It just means that you feel wildly alive and unstoppable in spite of being not at all perfect.


But, you don’t worry about being lonely.  You know that’s not going to happen because you’re feisty.


Which brings us to extroverts—feisty women are often extroverts.  Extroverts aren’t actually relaxing most of the time.  They’re working at being extroverts.  They’re working at being entertaining, cool, with it.  The most extroverted person I know is Brendan Constantine, I always wonder what he’s like alone because he is super entertaining to be around, but exuding that much energy can hardly be without effort.


Maybe that’s why I detest tours and group vacations.  When you are around other people, you can never be completely yourself, completely relaxed.  You have to be on guard in case you do something wrong and you have to be entertaining at the same time.  It’s no picnic being an extrovert, and it’s not a constant party being a feisty woman.


But, here’s the thing.  It is more fun to be a feisty woman, there is a hum beneath the surfaces, the question is you, can you bear it?  Are you woman enough?  And can you be with a feisty woman?  Are you man enough?


Or do you like your women to do as you say, not question you too much and above all, to recognize that you are the man?  Think about it.


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56 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. if i say anything i will be having the first last word

    • Ooh, I shiver to think of it.

  2. feisty
    2. ill-tempered; pugnacious.
    3. troublesome; difficult: feisty legal problems.

    1896, Amer.Eng. from feist “small dog” which we all know what word is used for female dogs universally.

    Clearly then, to be associated with the word feisty in general is not a compliment to a person period…in fact it indicates the person has problems (psychologically) relating to others, ergo, extrovert. Being that one finds it more fun to be feisty, ergo extrovert, then this indicates a tendency towards narcissism which is an inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity, infantile level of personality development indicative of a detachment from reality and also exudes signs of a borderline personality disorder. So what you are really asking is if a man will be stupid enough to put up with your personality disorder by using the term feisty as a positive attribute, which it is not; to mask your own problems and inability to relate normally. You obviously know the answer is “NO” which is why you continually use the word feisty repetitiously in this blog as I’v reciprocated in my response to make you feel better about doing so. I figure I should at the very least do that to provide some consolation to you in my reply. After all. Consolation IS what you were looking for when you wrote this crap to make you feel better about yourself for being “feisty”. Do yourself and others a favor and seek psychological help. Albeit that many psychologist refuse to treat borderline personalities. At the very least, hopefully you won’t be poisoning any more lady’s minds with your personality defect inspired drivel.

    Good day!

    • 1. You hate me! You really hate me!

      2. Or do you hate all women?

      3. And if so, what about women makes you feel small and unwanted and unloved?

      I’m sorry to see that you don’t feel good about yourself. Good luck!

      • He hates you and all women because of his own psychological disorders lol! He’s a beaten down man. A loser!

      • How dare you put lol after that word “disorders?”! You think that what you complained about is funny?! If so, shame on you!

      • One guy called me feisty the other day and I took it as an offence. But now I am glad that he did because I feel even more proud to be who I am and will continue to be this way. Thank you for this article!

    • I have never laughed so hard about the most pompous retort to a well-written article that simply takes into account how feisty women may be perceived and how certain men can not handle these types of women. First, as any good writer or educated person knows, language evolves and relates to the context and time of its use. Therefore, this must be taken into account in your antiquated and archaic definition: “1896, Amer.Eng. from feist “small dog” which we all know what word is used for female dogs universally.” Your own sense of self, your narcism is marked in your words within your weak and baseless argument that incorrectly and ignorantly proposes that women with an assertive demeanor are likely to have borderline personalities. Think you are living in 1896…and were obviously in despair when you wrote this.. perhaps some counsel may help you, as this piece seems to have emasculated you.

      I found the writer’s post entertaining and valid as to the reality of being feisty in a world cluttered with pushovers and oppressors making it so refreshing to meet those with lively personalities who don’t take any nonsense.

    • This is the complete meaning of feisty…

      adjective, feist·i·er, feist·i·est.
      1. full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky; plucky: The champion is faced with a feisty challenger.
      2. ill-tempered; pugnacious.
      3. troublesome; difficult: feisty legal problems

      Everyone that was taught English knows a word can take on several meanings, depending on how it is used.

      It look as if you’re the type to tell some and keep some. You leave out meaning #1 to serve your own opinion.

    • @unfetteredmind The dog is small German cutie, not an American bitch, if that was what you were going for..
      All women are feisty in their own way, even the shy ones. It’s our leftover baby protection gene, just as there is a little caveman leftover at your end of the genepool.
      Your reply says a lot about you too. The anger in it shows you want the last word, you want to be the dominant one in a relationship, showing of your strength to the other mostly mediocre men you surround yourself with.
      Choosing that over a equal partnership is based on fear and narcissistic tendencies. Having said that, I’m not acussing you of being a short-sighted, narcisitic caveman. So why are you accusing us of being extrovert, having psycological problems? Speaking for myself… I’m not endangering people, take care of the ones I do and don’t love. When they’re down I make them laugh, a terrible habit I know. Am I insecure? Yes, about certain bodyparts, then again.. aren’t we all. Men have their penis envy, beer belly, boobs and acne. Women concentrate on their skin, boobs, belly and butt. Is my feisty behavior a compensation to hide my insecurities? Of course not. I’m one of those women you need to have a great birthday party instead of a snore fest. Comfort you in a way you won’t notice, telling you that 30 isn’t old, repeating this year (40) after year (50) after year (40 again). In short: you are a perfect example of a feisty man.
      Have a great day!

      Thanks Kate, wel written, the list is a little too much tho. No man can survive all marks.
      Have a feisty day! (nibbling not biting, girls!)

    • Ha ha. Love how unfetteredmind is projecting onto you. I’m pretty sure he’s a man and I’m pretty sure he’s a narcissist. I laughed at his comment.

    • Sounding a lil or ( a LOT) wimpy there!! Do the world a favor and hide your scared of women self under your blanket!! Seriously to feel that strong about something not that serious makes people wonder who needs psychological help!! YOU DO!!!
      I feel sorry for you because you’re missing out on awesome women because their confidence is better than yours!! Don’t be so scared of kittys!!! Lmao

    • This man is a genuine Narcissist. I’ve been raised by them, dated one and they all use the same tactics. This guy didn’t even wait years to show you every aspect of what it looks like.
      1. Making assumptions of your character without knowing who you are.
      2. Usually when someone does that, they are projecting
      3. Assuming he knows your mental state.
      4. Excessive use of “I”s.
      5. Black and whiting thinking, misogyny, lumping all women into his version, contempt

      This person is essentially trying to poison your mind by dragging you down to their level. This is most likely what he thinks bout himself – he might have irreparably damaged a woman and is seeking to relieve that shame by telling you that your similarity to “her” are the reason why she acted feisty towards his controlling behaviour.

      I’ve been having to do therapy have dealing with these folk, don’t let them bring you down – they are too selfish to understand the pain they cause to everyone and everything they come in contact with. It’s sad really, because underneath there is just a broken man who needs to be loved, but his defenses will never allow a woman to do that, and any woman who does will be viewed in this light.

      There is no hope for these people. They do not change. They only expect you to, and if having a free thinking personality frightens them, then they will try to crush it. Your individuality terrifies a man like this because he can’t control you.

      Deep down he may even want a woman like you, but knows he doesn’t deserve one. And could never provide what a woman like that needs. He would never even see her needs, let alone her, for what they are.

      Men like this tear a strong woman down and then resent the neediness they’re created, thus needing therapy after dealing with them. He has essentially descried how he has destroyed the soul of another woman in this one post alone…

  3. 1) Hate is a strong word that suggests passionate dislike. I do not know you to have passion towards you so your mere suggestion is inane, as I provided objective information to support my perspective instead of offering my feelings. You however, continue to offer your feelings which are only subjective which is ALSO why you used the word “hate”.

    2)You typed this in English, so I was under the impression that you speak the language and understand it. Yet, clearly you missed the points of my expressions as I speak only to YOUR assertion that feisty is a positive attribute for “A WOMAN” which by definition it is not; proving you misunderstood the meaning of the word. Since you are speaking only emotions at this point to soothe your bruised ego, you are making this personal (borderline), deflecting the attention from your failed hypothesis (the problem I speak to). To pacify your huff, I do not hate women. I can however say that feisty would not be a word synonymous with a “woman” as by definition a woman is an “adult” meaning someone who has attained maturity by a certain age and by the looks of your photo you should have attained it by your age. Feisty “people”, again, as definition states are ill-tempered; pugnacious. Neither of these synonyms are attributes of maturity of an adult.

    3) See point 2

    I feel great about myself. It is you that clearly does not. Perhaps when those emotions of yours simmer down you will look at what I’ve said objectively instead of subjectively. It may help you…that is if you want help.

    Good day!

  4. I don’t like being called feisty. I am usually called that when I set and enforce my boundaries.To accuse a woman on having a mental disease just because she is considering herself feisty is idiotic. I hate amateur psychologists who try to gain upper hand by accusing other people of having mental problems and then wishing them to have a good day. Einstein called those people “intelligent fools”. Here is an example of male slave mentality. Here is the guy who feels small and about whom this article was written about, hahahaha!

    • On the contrary, Einsteins exact quote was: “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.”

      I made the authors argument baseless which is why she did not reply. I provided fact not opinion and broke down points to a very elementary level. Ergo I would NOT be considered an “intelligent fool” by Einstein. You and the author on the other hand providing thick and unmindful opinions would be. Don’t go quoting people’s famous words when you do not even understand their meaning. Your comment does not bring anything to the discussion but blather, and further more there is no such thing as “male slave mentality”. Slave mentality is an actual term yes, but that clearly has no place or relevance here in this discussion unless your schizophrenic in which case I’m not sure which of you “you’s” I need to speak to. Hope you aren’t by the way. It’s clear you don’t know the first thing about psychology. Next time grown folks are talking keep your mouth zipped.

      quod erat demonstrandum

  5. Dear unfetteredmind,
    I’ll keep my mouth zipped after this message. I don’t know psychology. To me, it’s not psychology matter. You said that males should not put up with people why have mental illness. Van Gogh had mental illness. I believe he deserved to be put up with. And maybe he would live longer and make more beautiful paintings. The matter here is empathy. And while you display your intellectual brilliance, I don’t see any empathetic side in you. Which is ok too, you are who you are. Seems like you are indeed making things bigger and more complex by doing excellent research and expanding on this thread. So I’m not sure if you are not “intelligent fool”. You obviously are not a slave. The reason I said it is that you argue with such enthusiasm in here, you must feel oppressed. Thank you for your research. I’ve learned few things in here.

  6. I enjoyed the article on feisty women. I also enjoyed the threads that were in response. I have always considered myself to be feisty and in general the term represents women who have enough self-esteem and strength to not only voice their opinions but also live their lives to their fullest potential.As society evolves more women are finding their voice and this can be perceived as being feisty,basically rocking the boat. A confident and secure man not only respects this type of women but knows how to uplift her.This article was a good representation of the meaning of a feisty women and if anyone took offense to this article I believe that they are losing the true meaning.

    • Men are scared by feisty women. Terrified. Except for confident men. Of whom we need more.

      • Hi everybody. I have a big respect for all the opinions I can read here. I am a man. I have nothing against women. I feel sad about the fact I need to start saying that: “I have nothing against women” because it should be not necessary. it’s not natural, not logical. I have the feeling that I can be recognized like an enemy here just by being a man. But I am enemy of nobody. Well.. I dont want to express myself in technical or psichological words, even being able to do it. I just want to express myself as a MAN. For everybody: there is no strong or weak man and also there is no strong or weak woman. We cannot make that separation because it is not real. Such separation is subjective. I think a woman is totally free to live the way she wants, feisty or not feisty. There is no superiority in any “side”… However, I want to say that we both, men and women, are wrong about some things worldwide. Women have a lot of wonderfull things that men doesn’t have. Men has a set of great men’s things but also another set of bad men’s things. And the same is for women. From the bottom of my heart I want to say to you all wonderfull ladies that getting some men’s “qualities” is not for good. You ladies are really wonderfull and you have things that men can never have. Don’t loose it. We men have a lot of wrong behaviors that usually are saw like “excellent male qualities”. But it is not!… It is sad to say it we man are responsible for a lot of stupid and negative actions in the mankind history and we could make it even worst without women presence. You ladies bring the right balance to the world just by being women. Getting closer to man’s behavior could be a huge mistake for woman. That’s it. I love you because you are wonderful.

      • We women are pretty wonderful, and we shouldn’t try to be more like men. I couldn’t agree more. We can all learn from each other though. Men can listen more. Women can listen more and not talk all the time. On the other hand, we women should be happy with ourselves. We kick ass!

  7. Wait a minute…. why are these qualities a “problem”??

    “They stand up to you. They like to make their own money, they like to spend their own money. Or save their own money. They speak up when they have something to say. They have a drink when they want to, go to bed when they want to, they think their own thoughts.”

    A problem??? NOT! Self assured – YES!

  8. I don’t think this is a problem if women can stand up for themselves and not let a man control them. Any man who can’t handle one of these type of women and thinks he’s all that is in my opinion is an assshole on the outside who covers up his true feelings of being a coward deep inside.

    • Agreed! Big time!

  9. I have notin against dis beautiful write bt I want to ask ” y do women v 2 prove a point 2 anyone?” Feisty or nt feisty a woman who undastands her worth n is confident wuldnt need anyone 2 say it 2 her neither wuld she wnt 2 assert dat cos she is rather busy doing D̶̲̥̅̊ tins she ought to. Dere is a defence only wen dere is an attack. I wonder wat wuld make someone defensive if D̶̲̥̅̊ person hasn’t bn attackd. On D̶̲̥̅̊ contrary conscience cn b a very strong judge albeit attack on anyone(male or female) who constantly finds him or herself on D̶̲̥̅̊ oda part of D̶̲̥̅̊ road. N wat can put one dere? Rebellion. Women often rebel wen D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ r cautiond n daz nt GƠ̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴̴͡D as undue attention wuld b brot 2 dem instead.
    I am a woman. I dnt assert mysef. I am who I am I dnt need 2 b told it cos I am confident.
    Nw if I share my view n its criticisd it shldnt bother me cos evryone haz gt dere opinion. S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ it shld b if I find mysef on D̶̲̥̅̊ oda side of D̶̲̥̅̊ road.

  10. Having an opinion and voicing it appropriately, being independent, etc is not feisty. It’s normal behavior. Feisty is being inconsiderate to others and aggressive enough to earn a reputation for it. Good luck to you if you see that as a positive thing.

    • Feisty means being exuberantly frisky. It can mean being aggressive, but is it a bad thing for a woman to stand up for herself? Men do it all the time.

  11. who the fuck uses ergo in normal everyday english. pretentious, nonsensical, insecure decaying souls basically. Feisty women rock as does this blog post. Keep yo swag up girl. love u.

    -Feisty as fuck.

    • Ohhh yeah! That’s what’s up! Rock that swag in his face!!

  12. […] qualifies how magic works. Or, check out this goading post, written with playful wit by Kate Gale: Feisty women, should you put up with them? Do you want a feisty woman in your life and bed? And you’ll see in the side bar as well, Why Some Men Prefer Sweet Quiet Women. One of my favorite […]

  13. i like Feisty women n i thnk all Da-Bu women should be feisty……Big ups to all da feisty women….

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  16. Feisty women are THE best!

  17. Well said.

    • You wish.

  18. the police said im feisty and all because I spoke my mind abt my ex. after he sent the police around to my house because he sed I was stalking him.. I only sent him 3 texts/ the police was giggling at me. so I don’t know which way to take feisty . oh nd the police sed im not stalking him.. which I new in the beginin I wasn’t

    • Said*

  19. This is great, insightful, honest writing.

    I love the bit about group holidays: feisty women are often intuitive/ fast moving – it’s hard to ‘join in’ and be free to explore your responses (sometimes demanding and immediate) at the same time. Being stuck in the chit-chat of belonging can mean slow torture for me.

    Aretha sung that “Love is a serious business” – and that she didn’t have time to sit around and smile. That love affair with your wild side needs to be a priority: nothing sadder than a once proud lion sleeping in a cold dark cage.

    xxoo Love to all the feisty sisters

  20. […] No time for chit-chat […]

  21. Why do you hate quiet/shy women so much, and why do you think that introverts are weaker than extroverts? I know this will anger you, but I think that people with your thought process are closed-minded.Being an introvert does not mean someone is a doormat, and being an extrovert does not mean someone is independent. As a young lady who is an introvert, I find this post offensive. Do you really think that all quiet women rely on men? If anything, being a loner and an introvert has taught me how to stand up for myself. I want you (or one of your fan girls) to give me one of your snide, pathetic replies…I find them sad but hilarious at the same time.

  22. oh yes, we all know… in some women’s eyes, if a guy disagrees with a woman, he is automatically wrong! She is always right because a woman is a Goddess and flawless, and if you make a feisty woman angry by having your own opinion, she falsely accuses you of a crime. Translation: ‘feisty’ women are often female chauvinists mixed with militant feminists, who think men should be de facto slaves.

  23. My feisty woman is an introvert, claiming that “When she grows up, she wants to be a recluse.” She makes me laugh, has found medical cures for me when the doctors couldn’t (she’s a nurse), and really, truly is my soulmate. Happy New Year 2014 Kate.

  24. Good article. The only thing that I can think of when it comes to feisty woman is my “Mom.” Yes, I must have to say that growing up
    with her being a “Chef” and perfectionist, I learned a lot from this woman. Her and my father have a great balance of making recipe’s and dishing up great foods. So, in essence they say you are always
    attracted to people that remind you of someone. Moreover, it is essential not to compare that person to your own upbringing, but to just
    except things for what they are. As long as two people can learn to have a decent balance in today’s society, your more than half way there to having a fulfilling relationship.

  25. Im fiesty, and wish there was more strong, passionate men around. Im too strong of a woman. Strong passionate men is such a massive turn on, and Im an interovert. Im not born near the 60s either, much later.

  26. It is almost like reading a billboard where everything is simplified. I love that you chose this topic. I love the fact that i pick up something from here today. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

  27. The world needs more fiesty people. We already have enough wimps.

  28. Feisty women are the BEST! I am one. I will give your space when you need it. I will not cause a scene in the public. I will take the initiative. I will support and stand by your side. I am smart and funny. It is your damn loss if you don’t date me. I am one of a kind…feisty woman.

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    Feisty women, should you put up with them? Do you want a feisty woman in your life and in your bed? | Kate Gale: A Mind Never Dormant

  30. Feisty Women are the best.

  31. Love it. Needed it today.

  32. I am one of them so keep it up Feisty women

  33. I have had women & men tell me I was fiesty & I always wanted to see what men felt abt fiesty women, because most men pull away from me because I’m independent, outspoken, honest, I do me, I take care of me & mine.. my husband died six years ago, and he loved my fiestyness. I’m a go getter, I listen to mine own heart, and I’m not a follower. I love people & will help anyone, and I love to kick the party off … when I party..

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    Feisty women, should you put up with them? Do you want a feisty woman in your life and in your bed? | Kate Gale: A Mind Never Dormant

  35. Strong independent women are the Worst ones of all. Enough said right there.

  36. Man enough to want to be annoyed forever? Hmmm something to really think about.

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