Explain our way of life to Aliens, Explain Obama

October 7, 2009

I like to read the Huff, don’t we all? But here’s what I think a lot of the time. I think about explaining the front page of the Huff Post to aliens. Good aliens. Nice aliens. Aliens who want to like us. The alien I really liked was the one in Fifth Element. That and Galaxy Quest, were at the top of the sci-fi charts for my kids, so I got to see them a lot. But that alien/god? In Fifth Element (and Bruce was hot in that movie! And the blue girl singing! But I digress) wanted to like humans but could not understand them.

Explain this to aliens. We have been at war for eight years with Afghanistan, subsequently Iraq. What are we fighting for? What is our objective? To punish them for the Twin Towers? To get rid of terrorism? To control Middle East oil? I thought Obama was all about finding renewable sources of energy. According to the Center of Defense, by end of 2009, we will have spent 864 billion on these wars. And this is while our own country just simply goes down the tubes.

What do I mean by that? Crumbling infrastructure. Parks and roads and city streets not fixed. Health care slashed. Education slashed. Our kids are not getting an education, crime rises and we invest in the only thing we can, prisons. The United States has 5% of the world’s population and 25% of the world’s prison population. We have to imprison our own population because we are spending their education dollars abroad on war. Explain that to aliens.

And while you’re at it, explain that “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” is still in play in the military, still supported by our president. This is what you would have to tell the aliens. The United States is a primitive country compared to all the other First World countries. of First world countries put most of their resources toward their own people. We put ours toward fighting and bullying other countries. We’re the world bully. We’re the only first world country that still believes in the death penalty. That’s because we’re basically cowboys who never really grew up to become a civilized country. And we don’t have health care. Because we’re still halfway a Third World country and we’re spending our health care dollars in Afghanistan. Lastly, we’re the laughingstock of the world because we still care about a person’s gender preference. No one else cares but the U.S. because we are determined to be primitive, second rate, Puritan and show the world that we’re still crouched in the 19th century and for the life of us we cannot grow up. Like Spiderman, that might mean taking responsibly. We like power as long as it means just wielding a club. But if it means thinking, that might be just too much for us. Sorry aliens, you came to the wrong country. Try Switzerland. Or Finland. Costa Rica’s nice. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

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