October 27, 2005
Best time is when you go to bed and don’t have to get up. That’s what I want. A life of not having to get up. I want to get up and go for a run when I’ve had enough sleep. I want enough sleep. The feeling of having enough sleep is better than anything. It’s like magic and music and great sex and sushi and great sake and plum wine afterward. It’s everything I love. Enough sleep. Pismo Beach, a hotel where you can see the sand and grey air. It’s raining and you sit at the window and stare out drinking wine. There is absolutely nothing you need to do. The sky is floating down around your shoulders like a scarf. You are altogether happy.
October 20, 2005
I see my hairdresser today to get highlights and she says, Want me to cut it? That’s a question. Some people like to cut their hair. Chop it off. They say it’s easier that way. Really. I think long hair is what makes me feel like a woman which is a wonderful feeling. Being a woman means being sexy, means being sexual, means being wanted, means creating desire as you walk, means being alive in the feminine, means receiving glances, wish, and it’s all free because you don’t have to do anything, you can just float on it. Men think they rule the world, but we don’t rule it, the world is us. Women are the entire realm of male and female desire. Even my lovely gay male friends love women. I think long hair holds the wild energy of being female. I don’t know what I would do without breasts, hair and desire. They’re entirely mixed up for me. I don’t want short hair. I want more hair. In America, when your woman cuts off her hair, it’s not a good sign especially if you’re already married, other things are soon to be cut off. I’m keeping my hair, all of it and I’m keeping being female, alive, warm, wet and pulsing. I feel my own breath going through my body, in and out of every orifice, like life.
October 6, 2005
Blue as in feeling blue. But how can you feel a color? Unless a color means “blues,” and why are the blues so sad and lonely? I never feel lonely, as they say, it’s always busy in here. My little head is aswarm with ideas and stories. When I was in my twenties, I thought I was fat and ugly. When I was in my thirties, I thought I was a loser. Now that I am in my forties, I know that I am god in my own universe and that I can create and dream and be wild in all the space of a day and a night. I am healthy and I am in love and I am a poet, and I am a runner and I am going to sleep soon and I am awake inside the world and going to change it. It’s better to be inside “I am” and ready to run than worried about fat and milk and kittens and money and strange men who have jobs and you don’t. Have a glass of wine, the world is all ready for you.
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