Flying to Salt Lake City from Omaha, and from Salt Lake to LA, the plane was crowded with children. Children who had babies. Mothers who looked barely out of high school with one, two and sometimes three children. One young woman who looked maybe twenty-one at most was breast feeding one baby and had one in a stroller and another toddler at her heels. Clearly all three were her children.
The rest of America does not understand Mormons. It felt like being in a Third World country. In urban educated America, people get married between the ages of 25 and 35 and they start having children, and for the most part they have one to three children, not five to seven.
The last time I saw hordes of young women carrying multiple small children I was in a Third World country, Guatemala specifically. It was like Day of the Triffids on the plane. I can’t imagine living in Orem or Provo and going to parks with mobs of kids and their young mothers. But that’s what Utah is like.
For those of you who are considering becoming Mormon, here are some things to consider that might affect your decision:
1. Mormons do not drink coffee
2. Polygamy is considered doctrinal according to LDS scriptures
3. Stuff you can’t do on Sunday—watch sports, let your kids play with other kids, working or watching television.
4. Mormons do not drink alcohol
5. You should not be in a room alone with the person of the opposite sex. (Mormons are easily tempted. I myself as a non Mormon have been in the room with a person of the opposite sex dozens of times without jumping his bones, but that’s because I have myself on a tight leash.)
6. If you have dark skin and convert to being Mormon, your skin will lighten.
7. Ten percent of your income must be paid to the church.
8. The Garden of Eden was in Missouri. (That explains a lot about Missouri which is well known for trailer parks and poverty.)
9. Satan has powers over oceans, lakes and rivers which is why Mormon missionaries are not allowed to swim. (Again, this explains a lot. I like to swim in oceans, lakes and rivers. Water talks to me. It’s Satan!)
10. Wearing garments helps you be protected from Satan and get into heaven.
I hope this helps you make up your mind as to whether you want to be Mormon. As for me, I think it’s too late. I’ve left one cult and I am not going to join another. Utah is its own country and that’s part of why Romney was not elected. Back to Red Hen this week, where the swarm is up and running.