August 13th, 2012
Los Angeles is simply boiling over.
I had lunch with a friend today. She’s very beautiful and single and dating. Here’s what sucks about dating men in their fifties according to my friend. Too many of them are dumb. Too many of them are overweight, lacking culture, and when they travel, they don’t know what to look for. My friend is fit and smart, cool and savvy. It won’t be easy to find a man who is as smart and cool and amazing as she is. These men wouldn’t mind being with someone who could radiate thankfulness. Smart women radiate brains and wildness. If you’re lucky.
Relationships are complicated. One of the most complicated parts is truth and lies. Do you tell the truth to someone you are with or do you lie? Most people would answer straight off that you must be honest about everything. They lie.
Try this. Honey, you look good in that jacket. (It’s blue, boxy and oversized, it looks like something an Easter rodent would wear after Easter when he was wandering the hedgrows.)
Try this. Honey, that dress fits you. (The dress is skin tight and her whole self is spilling out of it. The dress simply doesn’t fit her. It’s green and she looks like a strange mermaid in it. And not in a good way.)
Try this. I always love you. Every minute. (Now that is simply a lie. Nobody loves someone all the time. Some of the time, sure. But then you want them to bugger off. Shut up. Leave me alone. Let me think for a minute.)
So, I think truth is over-rated. But, lies are under-rated. You have to be completely truthful about the important stuff. The question is what is the important stuff? For every couple that’s unique. Don’t lie about feelings. Don’t hand over truth if it’s a basket of pain. I try to not create a basket of pain in the first place. Except we all do stupid stuff.
Not that stupid. Just idiotic. Maybe then you tell. Not about the stupid. I did run the water in the backyard for hours. I did sleep all day. I did drink too much. I never disciplined the kids. I ate the popcorn.
And I love you.
I like the movie Closer which is all about relationships and what goes wrong with them. The love that is possible and how we trash it.
It’s a great movie. Love is something you can throw away so easily. You can’t earn it. It’s a gift. And once you’ve cheated on someone, you’ve burned through all that love and you can’t get it back. I’m all for keeping love, not giving it a toss. You never know when you’ll end up wishing for something you can’t get back.