Women’s conversation vs. Men’s, the Peninsula Hotel, Rooms in Your Heart, Heater Wars

February 19, 2012

I have to say that after that marathon, I don’t exactly feel like skipping down the street.  I need to prepare a little better for marathons, take the whole thing seriously.  But I’m still glad I did it.

Today I went to the Peninsula Hotel for my friend’s bridal shower.  It was nice, and her matron of honor, Julie was this person who I met and  hope to know the rest of my life.  She’s a close friend of my friend Sarah, the bride to be.  We sat beside each other at the bridal shower and I told her more about my life than I have told anyone in ages.

There are rooms in your heart.  Almost everybody remains on the porch or if they are lucky, the vestibule.  I have a few girlfriends who I let into the kitchen, the living room, the library—one in New Mexico, one in New Hampshire of all places, and all the rest in Los Angeles.  With very few exceptions, women are better listeners than men.  My husband listens, I’ll give him that, but the only other man I know who listens as well as he speaks is our friend Bob.  Men usually do a lot of talking, maybe because they are trying to impress you, maybe because they have a big ego, mostly because they’re used to talking.  Talking is what they do.  Especially when they have a platter of people to listen to them.  One on one, men can listen once in a while, but usually they don’t like to listen.  My theory is that they’re afraid if they let women talk, they might find out that women are smarter and more intuitive than they are.

Whoa Kate, get off your soapbox!  Back to communication.   I like, conversations with smart women.   But  we connect with very few people in our lives.  Mostly it’s very superficial conversations.  I live for the moments when you trust someone, know them, feel known, open the door to the other rooms of your heart.  When you don’t feel judged, but understood.

One more comment which will take me back to the communication issue.  Even in Southern California, we have heater wars.  They’re pretty common in most households.  You have someone in the house who wants it warm and someone who wants it cold.  My mother-in-law lives with my sister-in-law and she tells me they keep the house cold.  That would make my husband so happy.  If our house could be cold all the time.  He would love the temperature in their house.  If I were my mother-in-law, I’d say, “Hey, I’ll pay the extra heating bill but let me keep the house warm.”  My husband and I have our own heater wars.  He likes it 50, and I like it 75.  We compromise at 70 in the day, 60 at night.  On the East Coast, and in Minnesota, the heater wars must be even more intense.

Here’s the thing—heat is not worth losing your cool over.  Things that are worth having grief over:  Not getting along with your kids.  Your kids and your spouse are your family; they are your life.  They should love you no matter what.  And usually they do.  If you don’t get along with your kids or your spouse, that’s the core part of your life.  Or if you’re spending too much time dissing other people, that’s not cool.  When they say, don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff, they mean things like work and money.  Your kids, your spouse, that’s what you fight for because those are the people who have been all the rooms of your heart.

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