Don’t Yuck on My Yum

January 25th, 2012

 Ever since five year old Zachary told me that, I’ve been giving it some serious thought.  People do it all the time, and Zachary has a real point when he says it’s just not necessary.

I’ve blogged about this before but I keep thinking about it.

You see someone walking down the street in pink pumps, a boa and skin tight leopard clothes?  Hey, you’re not wearing it.  So don’t yuck on their yum.   You see some guy with aTexashat and a gal 30 years younger than him with acreage front and back hanging on his arm?  Hey, that’s his style.  Doesn’t have to be yours.

 

What’s normal?  It’s whatever you do.  Remember, a nymphomaniac is someone who has more sex than you.

 

So here is my definition of normal.  In case you want to know if you are normal.  Here is my list.  I do all this stuff and to me, I’m normal.

 

  1. Have chickens.  I’ve had chickens all my life.
  2. Have enough books that you would need a 15 foot truck to move them.
  3. No television.  I’ve never had one.  You don’t need one.
  4. No radio.  Not necessary.
  5. Do something creative every day.
  6. Tell yourself in the mirror every day, You rock!
  7. Have long hair, there’s no reason to cut it off.  When your aunt tells you that you would get a job if you cut your hair, don’t sweat jobs.
  8. Drive the same car until the wheels fall off but at least 300,000 miles.  If you have a car that wouldn’t last that long, it’s the wrong car.
  9. Have a hammock if at all possible.  I never use mine but I like the hammock idea.  The dream of being in a hammock.
  10. Always keep theatre as part of your life.   Theatre is important.
  11. Read books.  Read poetry.
  12. Keep listening to music that you don’t understand, it keeps you young and awake.
  13. Don’t worry too much about money.  Just live a sustainable lifestyle.
  14. Don’t stay at people’s house if they make you anxious.
  15. Have a few good friends and try to keep them.
  16. Don’t panic.  When things seem really bad, they might get better.
  17. Do not be afraid of other people even really mean people.  Feel sorry for them.  They want you to feel afraid because that makes them feel more powerful. They are miserable sons of bitches and that’s why they are mean.
  18. Spend a lot of time walking and running.  That’s what gives you time to think.
  19. Keep a journal.  Figure out what you want to change about your life.
  20. Have a lot of sex.
  21. Have a sport that you love and keep at it.
  22. Always have some dreams that you might never achieve but that depend on you, not someone giving you money.
  23. Raise your own vegetables.
  24. Travel to a Third World Country at some point in your life.
  25. Swim in ocean, pools, rivers, streams and waterfalls.
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Published in: on January 25, 2012 at 2:20 pm  Leave a Comment  
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